


Do you have to let it linger?

by iwasnthere



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Angst, But also, Fluff, Future Fic, M/M, Past Fic, family fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-26
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-08-17 08:27:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8137241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwasnthere/pseuds/iwasnthere
Summary: "We're married, I swear. It sounds crazy but we are. I was in 2020, and then I woke up back in 2010 and life is very different but there has to be a reason why I found you again, right? Please, listen to me." Zayn pleads while Liam looks freaked out, "Uhh, sorry mate, but I don't even know you, you must've gotten me wrong for some other bloke."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a story with a bunch of ideas all in one.  
> I do not own or know one direction and zayn malik in anyway.  
> Purely fiction, and a work in progress.

"I just want our family to be comfortable! I can't do that if I stop working" Zayn says with an eye roll as he enters their bedroom. "I'm not asking you to stop working Zayn, you never listen! That's the problem!" Liam hisses, trying but failing to keep his voice low because their 4 year old son, Jamil, was sleeping in the other room. Zayn rolls his eyes, "I am so tired of fighting Liam, I don't understand what you want from me!" he bites back. Liam sighs angrily and flops on the bed, "You promised him that you were gonna come home early to tell him a bed time story, our son misses you for pete's sake!" he breathes, "I don't know even know anymore, Zayn" he says sadly, all the anger shifted to something else that makes Zayn uncomfortable that he sits beside his husband on the bed. "Liam -" he starts but the younger boy shakes his head and goes to the bathroom.

It frustrates Zayn because he knows why they've been fighting a lot, and they haven't been doing anything to fix it. He doesn't even know when was the last time they kissed before sleeping. He knows it's because Liam wants him to spend more time with their family. Liam gets out of work by five which gives him the task of picking up Jamil from school. Zayn gets home by eight these days, their little boy is already sleeping which angers Liam because even before they had Jamil they promised each other that family comes first. 

"He just doesn't get it." Zayn thinks, he's working hard for their family. It's not like he's lazing around at work. And Liam's just adding up to the pressure. The bathroom door opening brings him out of his thoughts and causing him to look up. Liam's eyes are red rimmed but he can't know for sure cause he doesn't spare Zayn a second glance. "Babe, please." Zayn pleads, and Liam nods at nothing, "you're right. Stupid of me to start a fight. Goodnight." with that he gets under the covers and turns his back towards Zayn. The raven haired boy groans loudly, "Whatever. Sometimes I wonder why we ever met." he spat and turns his back towards Liam too. If Liam wants to be petulant, so can he. He turns the lamp off and drifts to sleep.

  

Zayn's slumber is disturbed by a loud alarm clock. He groans into his pillow, why is there an alarm clock in their room? His phone was usually what woke him up these days. He rolls over to Liam's side of the bed only to fall over on the other side, straight to the floor. Which, okay, that wakes him up. He sits up quickly from the floor and looks around. 

He's not in their bedroom. _Oh my god_. He's at his old room in his dorm at uni. He rubs his eyes and rushes to his bed side table. It's his old iPhone 4, the date on it screamed at him, September 13, 2010. He screams loudly and throws the phone away. _This can't be happening_. What the hell. He slaps himself. And again and again. And that is how Niall finds him when he walked in Zayn's room. 

"Mate, what are you doing?" Niall rushes over to him and he blanches, " _Niall?_ "

"Yeah, it's me, why are you slapping yourself?" the blonde boy gives him a look of confusion and concern. "Niall!" Zayn shakes his shoulders, "Zayn?" he tries to calm down him down but Zayn's having none of that he starts firing off questions, "Niall, why are we here? Why? What? Why am I here?" Zayn starts breathing heavily and tears are prickling in his eyes because he's just so confused.

"Hey, hey." Niall soothes, "Why don't you sit?" He guides Zayn to his bed, "I'll be right back." he says as he leaves the room.

Zayn looks around, everything is exactly as it was ten years ago. The iron man poster above his bed. The overflowing bookshelf. His study table with his overused laptop and almost full sketchbooks. His bed side table with the photo of him and Liam -- wait, he jerks his head at the thought. It's not there. He scrambles up and around the room to find any trace of Liam but he found nothing. He starts hyperventilating again when Niall comes in the room with a glass of water, "here, drink." Zayn takes it with shaky hands and gulps it all down in one blow.

"How many did you drink last night, mate?" Niall asks amused, and without thinking Zayn just freaks out and blurts, "Yesterday it was 2020 and I was happily married to Liam with a child, and now I'm here" he breathes, "this has to be a joke, right, Niall? A prank?" his voice cracks because this can't be happening. He looks at Niall who's giving him a worried look. "Zayn, what are you talking about? Who the hell is Liam?" 

 Zayn almost snaps his neck as he looks to Niall. He's sure he met Liam through Niall, it was at Niall's pre-birthday party in 2010-- "Niall!" he shouts, and the other boy is starting to look scared but Zayn isn't having any of that, "You know him, right? Liam Payne? Childhood friend of yours?" 

"Mate, I don't know what the hell you're talking about. Look, I know my party was awesome but I didn't know you'd end up this way" Niall says amused now and the older boy is starting to breathe heavily again. "But - no, I met him through you, I swear," 

"Look, Zayn. I have class in an hour, why don't you just stay in and rest, yeah?" Niall says, "can your best mate at least get a birthday greeting?" Zayn realizes there's no point in explaining to Niall what's happening so he forces a smile, "yeah, uh -- happy birthday, mate." Niall laughs, "hope you'll feel better when I get back" and with that, Niall leaves. 

Zayn decides to take a quick shower and tries to think rationally about what's happening. He can't. He thinks, maybe this is just a dream. So after his shower he goes to bed and tries to get some more sleep. And hopefully wake up to strong arms wrapped around him, assuring him that this is all just a nightmare. 

_"Liam! Wait, Liam!" Zayn calls running to catch up with his husband and son._

_"I can't do this anymore, Zayn" Liam says coldly, "Jamil and I are leaving, there's no point in this relationship anymore." Tears run down Zayn's cheeks, "no, babe, please-" he pleads, "Goodbye, Zayn" Liam heads to the car, a sleeping Jamil on his hip, leaving Zayn behind._

Zayn jerks awake, crying. He tries to calm his breathing down to find his room pitch black. He turns the lamp on and to his dismay, he is still at his dorm room. He presses his palms to his eyes but tears keep flowing anyway. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you will see click, 13 going on 30, 17 again and maybe even WOWP references in this story? Maybe? I'm not even sure myself lol  
> Any mistakes are mine. This chapter is still so short and I'm so sorry for that!! I'm swamped with school. Will try to make longer ones in the chapters to come.

Zayn is pacing around his room, trying to understand why this was happening. This doesn't happen in real life, right? How is this even possible? _Oh god_. Is he dead? Is he in a coma? He shakes his head, he can't be. Let's see, yesterday, it was a particularly busy day for him that he had arrived home at nine in the evening. Which caused a fight with Liam, but that wasn't anything new. Think. What did he do different yesterday that got him here? Then it clicks, s _ometimes I wonder why we ever met._ Shit. But how does this happen? Words aren't that powerful? Are they? Is this some sick joke? A thought comes up and he stops his pacing and grabs his phone and wallet. Zayn runs out of his building towards the library where Liam worked when they were both in uni. 

When he reaches the building he checks his phone again, to see if someone could just text him and tell him that he's being pranked because he still can't believe that this is real. To no avail, the date still says September 13, 2010. At the same time he realises that this couldn't be a prank because his body is exactly what is was when he was eighteen. Some of his newer tattoos are gone, his body lithe and smaller again. He didn't notice before since he was too busy freaking out, but Niall also looked way younger even though not much of him has changed. He sighs and enters the library.

It looks the same. Just like how he remembers it. He's spent so many nights cooped up in here, studying, cramming and revising for exams. He usually has a spot way in the back, no one usually goes there except for people like him who want peace and quiet when they're studying. He only stopped hanging out there when he met Liam. They were somewhat friends already, when Liam told him that he sees Zayn in the library sometimes but hasn't really approached him because he always seems to be in a hurry. When Zayn knew this, he made it a point to stay at the table nearest to the check out desk where Liam was assigned. Zayn smiled at the memory. His eyes scan the room for someone familiar, when a mop of curly hair came into his sight, if he's in his eighteen year old body, Liam must also be in his, right? And he had curly hair. He immediately followed the boy and quickly grabbed his shoulder once he caught up. 

"Can I help you?" the boy says bemused and Zayn stares at him.

"Harry?" he squeaks as Harry shrugs Zayn's arm off his shoulder, "Yeah, I'm sorry but do I know you?"

Zayn blinks at him, "You - you don't know me?" he asks, confused. But _of course._ He met Harry through Liam. Along with Louis. Holy shit. _Louis_.

"I don't? I'm sorry, should I know you?" Harry says a bit guiltily.

Zayn shakes his head, "uh, no, sorry I thought you were a friend of mine. 've got the same hair. Sorry, mate."

Harry raises his eyebrows, "but you know my name?" Sometimes Zayn hated how observant Harry was.

"Yes" _You're my husband's best mate_. Zayn laughed nervously, "my - uh, my _roommate_ , has a crush on you, that's why I know you."

The younger boy doesn't look convinced but he shrugs, "Alright then. Hope you find your friend." Harry hikes up his back pack and walks away. 

"Damn it." Zayn mutters to himself and searches the library again. He looks all over the place, each row, corners, hiding places in the library. Even interrupted a couple going at it in the back most corner. Oops. He still doesn't find Liam though, so he approaches the check out desk.

"Excuse me? I'm looking for someone?" The girl was a brunette with brown eyes, Eleanor was on her name tag.

"Yes?" she said.

Zayn rubs the back of his neck, "maybe someone who works here? a Liam?"

She looks like she's thinking for a moment then shakes her head. "Sorry, I don't know a Liam who works here. And I'm kind of like the student head, so I would know." she smiles apologetically.

"No, it's fine." he forces a smile and starts to walk away when he hears a familiar voice.

"El!" he whirls to turn to where the voice came from and he sees nineteen year old Louis walk up to the desk, leaning on it with his elbows.

The girl. Eleanor giggles, "Hello, babe" she leans in and the pair kiss. And wait, what? Louis is -- Louis is crazy about Harry! What? Did everybody lives change because of Liam? Did Harry and Louis never meet? He's so confused.

"Got a problem there?" Louis raises his eyebrows at him, and he realises he's been staring.

"Uh, no, sorry" he chuckles nervously and Louis squints his eyes at him.

"Do I know you from somewhere?" Zayn's ears perk at the question, "Why? Do you remember me?" he says eagerly and the brunette boy looks surprised.

"No, but you seem to be so interested in me and my girlfriend since you've been staring for a while. Got a problem with PDA?" Louis challenges,

"No, no. My husb - _boyfriend's_ the shy one actually." Zayn says, holding back his smirk. Louis may not know him here but he can handle Louis Tomlinson. In this life or any other life. "Alright then, I'm Louis." he pulls out his hand, "Zayn."

 

"So, what are you studying, Zayn?" Eleanor asks from across him. After the introductions, Louis insisted for Zayn to eat with them since Eleanor was about to clock out of the library. "Architecture" he answers with a smile, "What about both of you?" he gestures to the couple with a french fry. "Fashion designing," Eleanor smiles proudly and points to Louis "this one's taking up Engineering." Zayn lights up, at least that stayed consistent. Liam and Louis were studying engineering. "Do you know Liam Payne?" Zayn blurts out before thinking and Louis looks bemused, "Nope, name doesn't ring a bell. Why do you ask?" Zayn tries to hide his disappointment. "Nothing important." The three of them continue eating and have light conversation when Zayn's phone lights up at a message from Niall.

_"wru mate"_

_"I'm fine, just went out with a few friends"_

_"ok, c u at home"_

"Look, I have to go" Zayn says without looking up from his phone. "Boyfriend?" Louis looks at him teasingly and Zayn chokes on laughter. "Nah, my room mate. Kinda overprotective." Eleanor giggles, "okay, it was nice to meet you, Zayn" Zayn nods, "nice to meet you too" he gets up when Louis grabs his arm, "hey, here" he gives Zayn a piece of paper with a number on it. "Let me know if you wanna hang out" Zayn smiles, "Thanks, Louis."

As Zayn walks home he can't help but feel a bit helpless. He's found Niall, Harry and Louis. But not Liam. Where could he be? He still wishes this was all a dream. Is it bad that he wishes he were in coma rather than this? A life not awake is better than the bleak thought of a life without Liam. He feels like crying again but he thinks he doesn't have tears left so he takes a deep breath and thinks of all the possibilities that could happen. Maybe Liam's still in campus, right? Just in an entirely different life. Zayn has to find him. If he's going to restart his life with Liam, he'll definitely make it better than what it was.

 

When he arrives home Niall is in the kitchen cooking. "you cook now?" Zayn asks and Niall jumps a bit and turns to him, "you scared me mate! and yeah, I do. Just practicing a bit." he turns off the stove. "You feel better now?" he raises his eyebrows at Zayn. The older boy nods at him slowly. "Let's eat then!" Niall exclaims as he plates what he cooked and guided Zayn to the table. "So, who'd you hang out with today that made you forget everything this morning?" Niall asks out of the blue. They were just talking about Niall's english teacher being a pain in the ass. "Uh, they were new friends actually. Met them in the library." Zayn says, trying to be casual. "Leave it to Malik to make friends at the library. How exciting." Niall chuckles at him, but it's nowhere near offensive or degrading. More fond, very Niall, which is why Zayn laughs a bit with him.

"You sure you're okay, Z?" Niall asks again with a frown. Just then, Zayn notices that he's barely eaten his food, just moved it around the plate. He nods, guilty because he doesn't want Niall to worry but he has to tell him everything. He needs Niall's help. "uh, can I tell you something though?" Niall raises his eyebrows, "shoot" Zayn sighs. "Mate, you have to let me finish and you have to promise me you won't think I'm on drugs or something." The blonde boy looks wary but nods at him. "Okay, so this morning I was too freaked out to actually explain but really, yesterday, I was in another life. You were still there, and our friends, Harry and Louis. I was married. To Liam Payne, someone I met through you, he was your childhood friend" he looks at Niall, "at your party yesterday. And - and today, It's like I went back to ten years ago, but this time, I didn't meet him." he breathes out "Mate, I don't get it either. I don't understand why I'm back here but I think it's because I didn't give much importance to what I had." Zayn looks down at his hands, "please, help me. I need to find Liam. Niall, I even have a son. Jamil, he's the cutest four year old ever, you love him." Zayn chokes on his words, "Please believe me."

There was a long silence that blanketed the room until he hears Niall sigh. "Okay." Zayn snaps his head up at Niall, "What?" the other boy shakes his head with a smile, "I'm not sure I get it entirely, but you seem pretty distressed over this. And you're my best friend so I guess it's my job to help you." he smirks, "even if the situation sounds like the most ridiculous thing ever." Zayn throws himself at Niall. " _Thank you_ " he kisses his cheek sloppily which Niall groans at and wipes the spot, feigning disgust. "Okay, so what does this Liam look like then?" he pulls away from Zayn.

"He's -" Zayn frowns, he should describe Liam as the eighteen year old right? Because that's what he'd look like in this life. "He has curly hair. and warm brown eyes. He's got these muscles, yeah? and a body that makes his shirts cling to him," Zayn smiles at the image in his head. It's only been a day but he misses Liam _so much_. "He's got this smile that's just - wow, and _lips_. _God, Niall_. _His lips._ " Niall cuts him off, "Okay!" he says loudly, "dude, this must be real, yeah? Never saw you with that look on your face while talking about some guy." Zayn nods. He's madly in love with Liam. Crazy about him really. What he said yesterday - or what he said in the future? He doesn't know how to state it. But all he knows is that if there's something he doesn't and will never regret, it would be meeting and loving Liam. "I love him so much, Niall. And I don't know how I'm here now but I need to see him. If I have to live life all over again, I will. But only if he's the one I'm spending it with."

His heart suddenly gets heavy and his emotions are getting the best of him. Confusion, regret, _need_ , and fear. Mostly fear. Niall must notice this because he pulls Zayn into a hug. "Hey, why don't you get some rest? We'll start looking for this Liam guy first thing tomorrow. Okay?" Zayn breathes and squeezes Niall one more time and pulls away, "Yeah, okay. Goodnight. Thank you, Niall. _Thank you so much_." Niall smiles at him as he makes his way to his room, "Get some rest, Z. Goodnight." Zayn makes his way to his room and flops on the bed on his back. He stares at the ceiling for a while. "I don't regret it." he mumbles to nothing. He stays like that until sleep takes over his body. 

_..You know I'm such a fool for you, you got me wrapped around your finger_

_Zayn continues to stare at the curly haired boy leaning on the wall by the stairs singing along to the song._ _He approaches the boy. "Do you have to let it linger?" Zayn sings when he reaches him, "You a fan of the_ _cranberries?" The curly one asks, "Not that much, but I love this song." Zayn says and this makes the boy smile. "Me too. I'm Liam." he pulls out his hand which Zayn takes, "Nice to meet you, Liam. I'm Zayn." They smile at each other._

_Do you have to, do you have to,  
Do you have to let it linger?.._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry if it's all over the place. Still not really good with the formatting and stuff. And like I said, this is all a jumble of ideas. I don't know how school works where you're from but I'm just basing this on how we do it where I'm from lol but thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> still so short. Badly sorry! And the plot is all over the place. I don't even know lol any mistakes are mine. no one else to blame.

The next morning Zayn woke up feeling a bit better. He will definitely try to find Liam today. Should he try Facebook? Facebook was so famous this time. Damn. He feels old. He goes to the bathroom and takes a shower. After doing all basic hygiene he heads to the kitchen which is also the dining area and is half the living room in Niall and Zayn's dorm. He almost forgot how small this dorm was. Yet, it holds so many memories.

"Good morning" Niall chirps from the table as he gobs down his eggs. "Eat. We have a big day today" he smiles at Zayn.

"Morning, mate." Zayn says as he takes a seat when Niall laughs at him, he looks confused.

"This situation must be true, Z. You've never responded to my good mornings with words before" he chuckles. Zayn looks at him. He doesn't blame Niall for still being a bit doubtful that the situation is true. I mean, if he were in Niall's place, he'd probably be the same.

"Hey, man. I believe you, okay? Don't worry, we'll find Lance." Niall says encouragingly and Zayn laughs, "Liam, mate. _Liam_." 

"Right." Niall gives a little air punch. The pair continue to eat their breakfast and plan on how and where to start looking.

 -

" _Payne_? as in the hurt kind of pain?" Niall questions while he's typing Liam's name at the search bar of Facebook. 

"No, you butt. Payne, P-a-y-n-e" Zayn says, shoving Niall away from the keyboard and typing it himself, giggling a bit. He takes a deep breath and presses search.

There are a lot of results, but none actually fitting the boy Zayn is looking for. He scrolls down the results page and one particular profile captures his eye.  _Batman._ It was owned by a Liam Payne and he has a batman logo profile picture. Zayn's fingers shake as he clicks on the profile. Clearly, this boy doesn't really have pictures of himself. The photos in his profile are of sunsets and sceneries, he also has photos of other people modelling. His photos have a little signature on the bottom side. _LJP._

" _Niall_ " he exclaims and looks at the boy. "It's him. Look at the logo! It's LJP, Liam James Payne. This has to be him."

"Well, there isn't much about him in this anyway. He doesn't even post about where he goes to school." Niall says sadly and pats his back. "At least we know he's real in this life then?"

Zayn nods. But he scrolls through his pictures more. Liam's always been into photography. But it was more of a hobby for him. He would always take random pictures of the ocean, sunset, a lot of Zayn and when Jamil came into their lives, Jamil was probably the only thing he took pictures of. Zayn sighs. "I can't help but feel that he goes here, though. I feel it in my heart." 

Niall snorts, "Cheesy, mate. But okay, I'll try to ask some people I know from fashion designing to see if they know Liam."

Zayn turns to Niall, "fashion designing?" Zayn suddenly remembers Louis and Eleanor. Eleanor is from fashion design. But she doesn't know Liam. 

"Yeah mate, fashion design majors usually pair up with photography majors when they want to feature their work. I'm not sure if they all know each other but it's worth the try, right?" 

Zayn nods. "Okay Niall, when do we g-" Niall's phone ringing cuts him off. "Just a sec, Zayn." He picks up the phone and walks away from the computer. 

This gave Zayn time to think. Maybe all their lives were kind of weaved together already, the only difference was that they never met. Niall and him were best friends ever since Niall moved to London, maybe that's why their friendship stayed despite the shift that happened with the others. Zayn still couldn't believe this was happening but it was. And there's nothing he can do about it but live through it and hope, _god he really hopes_ , things might go back to normal when he finds Liam. They could do it all over again. Zayn continues to scroll through Liam's photos and he sees that Liam's really good at what he does. His photos capture a beautiful story, they focus on one thing but it doesn't overpower the whole picture. It's beautiful really. Until he comes across a picture of a guy. Zayn frowns, he's handsome. Chiseled jawline, brown eyes just like Liam. He's laughing and but his eyes look like they aren't even looking at the camera, but at the photographer. Zayn's heart makes a little jolt when he sees the caption. _My favourite thing to capture._ Heart emoji. Zayn's a bit confused. This guy, who is he? He's not - not a boyfriend, right? Before he can overthink and maybe hyperventilate Niall walks in the room and pats his back. He quickly closes the tab.

"Hey, now that my mom's done chewing me out for not calling for my birthday. Wanna go to the arts building? We can meet my friend there so I can ask him about the photographers?" Niall says encouragingly.

"Yeah, um. sure." Zayn says weakly. He doesn't want to jump to conclusions on what he saw but he can't think of anything else but that. He sincerely hopes he's wrong. 

-

"Building's pretty sick" Zayn says as he eyes the big black wall filled with "before I die _________". It's like a school version of the original. Walls were also filled with graffiti and doodles. They even had a freedom wall, one line particularly got Zayn's attention.  _sometimes, there is no second chance._  He walks quicker after Niall upon seeing those words. It was just a quote. He repeats to himself. No big deal.

Niall walks beside him, "It is, the best in the whole uni actually. Art is beautiful, mate, don't tell me you don't know that, Mr. Architecture" he teases.

Zayn pushes him slightly, "Still don't get why we don't get to stay in this building too. I mean, architecture is art."

Niall shrugs, "Maybe it's because you work more with the engineering students, I don't know man, this school sucks sometimes." Zayn agrees with a laugh.

"Let me just give my friend a ring, one sec" Niall says as he pulls out his phone and places it on his ear.

Zayn nods and continues to take in his environment. When he was - well, when he was eighteen. Like really eighteen and not this whole coming back here thing. He never really got to visit the arts. Nothing really perked his interest. He was happy in architecture. If ever he did pass by the art building, he guesses it never really left a mark the way it should've. It's a nice one. 

"Zayn, my friend, Deo, is at an actual photoshoot right now. Says there's a lot of photography majors at their studio. Wanna check?" Niall tells him, bringing him back to reality. 

"Yeah, sure." Zayn says with a nod as Niall smiles and leads the way.

-

 To say that the art studio was a mess would be an understatement. It was, _chaotic_. It smelled like sweat and heat, tons of perfumes, and burgers. It was kind of disgusting. They were walking through this big function room divided by tents and curtains trying to cover each other from their respective photoshoots. It was amazing yet confusing at the same time. It was loud too. Make up artists calling out the names of the next model to attend to. Photographers teaching their subjects how to pose and the fashion design majors running around the place, adding finishing touches to their work already worn by the models before their shoot. Zayn was busy looking a round in awe as Niall lead him to a little tent.  _Divine Devine._

"This is my friend's stall. Come on" Niall gives him a little push as they enter. It was very bright inside. The lights pointed to a brunette girl posing in front of a white background. She was wearing high waisted denim shorts and a black leather jacket over her pastel pink crop top. She knew how to play with the camera. Her outfit was casual but she kinda brought life to the outfit by how she was projecting.

"Niall!" a tall man exclaims, approaching them as Niall ran to him and grasped the boy in a hug.

"Deo! How's it going mate?" Niall asks as he pulls away.

"Busy, busy. Everything's a mess as you can see. But, I'm pulling through." Deo says, "Hello, are you Niall's friend? I'm Deo." he pulls out his hand and Zayn takes it.

"Zayn, yeah. We just - um,wanted to" Zayn stutters.

Niall cuts him off, "Zayn wanted to explore the arts. That's why we're here" he raises his eyebrows at Zayn. "right, Z?"

"Right." Zayn nods and chuckles nervously. Why is he nervous, he doesn't understand either.

"Alright then, feel free to check on the other tents. They love observers." Deo chuckles, "Gives the designers and the photographers to show off." He looks at Zayn up and down, not in a flirty or offending way. He looks like he's thinking. 

"You ever thought of modelling, mate?" Dee asks and Niall laughs. 

Zayn flushes "uh, not really. it never crossed my mind." 

"You should, you've got the face for it" Deo says casually with a shrug. "Anyway, I'm gonna go stress myself out some more by checking on the models. Do you guys want to hang here or just explore?"

"Niall can go with you." Zayn says quickly, "I'll just look around" he eyes Niall. Hoping he'd get the point of Zayn wanting to be alone in looking for Liam.

"Yeah, just text me if you're done  _looking_ , Zayn" Niall winks and follows Deo who waves his goodbye at Zayn.

"Okay. Here it goes." Zayn mutters to himself as he walks out of the tent to peep in to the others. 

Zayn was so caught up in looking at the photographers from each tent he didn't notice that the model in the tent he was in was Louis. Not until Eleanor approached him.

"Zayn!" she squeaks in a high pitch. "You're here!" 

"Hi El, sorry didn't know this was your tent" Zayn says as he gestures around the place. 

She smiles at him, "No worries. This isn't just mine though. I share this with my best friend, Max" she points to a guy by the make up table who's frowning and obviously stressed out from this photoshoot. Almost everyone he's seen is. Eleanor must be a pretty happy person to be able to smile . "We're the _trend pea_ r" she says with a laugh while gesturing to their logo. A pear. That's pretty good, it got Zayn laughing as well. 

"That's a wrap for Louis!" Max claps his hands, "Where are the other models? Damn it!" he curses walking behind the backdrop Louis was in front of earlier.

Speaking of the boy, he approaches Zayn and Eleanor after taking off the jacket he was wearing. "Hey Zayn!" he claps Zayn's back. "What brings you to this mess?"

Zayn chuckles, "Art?" 

"Aren't we all?" Eleanor sing songs. "Gotta go make sure my best friend doesn't kill anybody behind that wall. "See you later! And Louis? Another photographer is coming in, just tell him to wait a moment, alright?"

Louis nods, "Sure, babe." he looks at Zayn, "So, what really brought you here?"

Zayn was about to answer when the flap of the tent made a loud sound, alerting everyone that someone has entered.

"Knock, knock" a familiar voice says and Zayn almost breaks his neck at how quick he followed the sound.

Their eyes locked. It was almost as if time stood still and Zayn couldn't speak. He couldn't move. He couldn't breathe. It was exactly how those movies explained, it was as if the whole world stopped, and nothing else existed. It was just him and the person he was looking at. No words. Nothing at all. He's looked deep in those eyes before and yet it still caught him off guard now. They hold so much emotion, so much warmth. And his face, clean of stubble. Absolutely no facial hair and it makes him look years younger. His hair was still a mop of curls on top of his head. His cute little button nose that Zayn loves placing kisses on. His lips, so plump and pink. It's only been less than three days and he has missed this face so much. He has a camera around his neck and his smile is so genuine that Zayn couldn't believe it. It was really him.

_Liam._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if you guys got the whole point of the tents thing. It's something we do where I'm from so it was kind of just me trying to describe my school activities lol weird I know but thank you for reading! and finally! Liam's here. Will try to post longer chapters when the sem ends for me. and that is in less than a week. Hooray.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have this notebook planning all the chapters but I haven't fulfilled anything lol but hopefully this is okay. I wrote this all in one sitting so I'm hoping I didn't make major mistakes, but if I did, I'll get back to them later. Just had to get this one out so I can continue the plot lol 
> 
> Please don't kill me for what happens in the end.

"Yes?" Liam responds with an eyebrow raise. And that's when Zayn realises he said his name out loud. Damn it.

"Uhh, I mean, you - uh, you're Liam?" Zayn stutters out nervously while Liam looks at him bemused. 

"I am, are you Max?" he asked, and as Zayn was about to say no, Max approached them.

"No, that would be me. Sorry, you must be the photographer?" Max pulls out his hand.

Liam takes it and smiles warmly at them, "Yes, Liam Payne at your service." he bows a bit and Zayn just keeps staring even after Liam and Max walked away to guide him to the photo area.

"You're staring" Louis says, nudging Zayn.

Zayn flushes, "Um, I'm not. I just, he's -" he cuts himself off to just look at Liam. He doesn't even know Zayn. That kinda hurts. Does this mean Zayn has to make him fall in love with him again? How do you do that? This is meeting him in an entirely different way now. He's not even of the same major. 

"That's okay, mate. I can help you get his number?" Louis raises his eyebrows suggestively. "Your heart eyes look like they're gonna fall off any minute now."

Zayn pushes Louis slightly with a laugh. "It is not." he can feel his face warm but he denies it still. "But, can you really help me?" 

Louis chuckles at him, "Of course, mate. But if I remember correctly, don't you have a boyfriend?"

Zayn pales. Is he and Louis close enough for him to tell him the truth? Louis might think he's crazy if he did. So he makes up an excuse. "Umm, long story?" Zayn shrugs.

"Dude, I'm not gonna help you cheat. That's a deal breaker for me. Relationship," he looks at him skeptically, "or friendship wise."

Zayn shakes his head, "No, um. Me and my boyfriend. We, uh, broke up"

Louis squints his eyes at him. "Not convinced, sorry, mate."

Zayn puts his hands up. "I promise, mate. I swear, we broke up." _actually, we haven't even met yet_ , he thinks.

"That's how much you like this guy? You don't even know him" Louis looks at Liam.

"At least help me meet him as a friend? Please Louis." Zayn pleads, jutting his bottom lip out at the older boy.

Louis looks at him blankly for a while then sighs. "Okay," he rolls his eyes, "but if I find out I helped you cheat, I will _castrate_ you, Malik." Louis says seriously.

Zayn hugs him, "I'll keep that in mind. Thank you, Lou" 

"Get off" Louis laughs pushing him away.

-

Zayn continues to look at Liam work. He's very focused and very cute at it. He politely tells the models what to do and how to pose without coming out as bossy. It's hot inside the tent and Zayn can see that he's getting a bit sweaty from the way his black henley clings to his body. Louis is sat beside him on his phone, pretending to not notice how much Zayn is ogling. He sees Eleanor and Max behind Liam, carefully observing how the models wear their work. Zayn can't focus on anyone else for long though. The models are pretty but Liam is far prettier. He's staring at Liam again that he doesn't notice Eleanor talking to him from where she is.

"- owe you, Zayn?" Eleanor pleads.

"What?" Zayn says loudly. He realises that there's no model anymore. Just Liam, Eleanor and Max looking at him expectantly.

Louis puts an arm on his shoulder. "He'd love to, babe. Right Zayn?" he squeezes as he says Zayn's name.

"What?" Zayn repeats, confused.

"They're asking you to be the model for the last piece." Louis smiles smugly.

Zayn shakes his head, "no, no. I don't model, I've never -"

"Please Zayn? Please? It's my work." Eleanor gives him the puppy look. "My model ditched me after the second photographer. Please? I'll owe you. I swear, what do you want?" Eleanor asks desperately.

"It'll just be a few shots, mate." Liam says out of the blue. "I swear, I'll make it easy for you."

But Zayn knows it won't be easy for him because how will it be easy to pose in front of Liam. Normally, it would be. But under today's circumstances? How the hell would this be easy?

"Yeah, _Zayn_." Louis teases, "He'll make it easy for you."

Zayn eyes Louis warningly. "I'm not doing it. I'm not."

Yet.

"Thank you for doing this, Zayn. Really" Eleanor says quickly as she runs her hand through his dress shirt. Apparently, Eleanor's last work is the formal attire. Zayn doesn't understand how different this outfit is from all the other formal men outfits out there. He's wearing fitting black slacks, an inserted black dress shirt with a golden belt. It's pretty fucking simple but Eleanor looks like she's close to tears as she takes a step back and looks at him. She frowns and pushes away a little group of hair sticking out from his quiff onto his forehead. 

"This little thing isn't helping right now." she says frustrated pushing it back onto the quiff only for it to stick out again. "Ugh"

Zayn looks at himself in the mirror. He's not one to be self-conceited, but he knows when he looks good. And he looks damn good. "El, I like it."

She rolls her eyes, "told you, I'd make you look good. It's this little hair strand that's bothering me." She goes to fix it again but Zayn stops her.

"No, I like it this way. It makes me look like Johnny Depp." Zayn says as he grins at her.

Eleanor giggles, "Okay fine. Now, go. Don't want to keep _Liam_ waiting." she teases. And Zayn absolutely hates Louis right now, honest.

Zayn steps out of the makeshift dressing room they made in the tent. It was really just divided with a black curtain. He approaches the others as they all look up at him. Max looks very pleased. Louis lets out a whistle and Liam - well, Liam just smiles. It's a nice smile, but there isn't anything else to say. 

"You look _good_ , Zayn" Max tells him.

"Good? I swear, if I swung that way, I'd want to do you." Louis chuckles and Zayn blushes. He wants to tell Louis that he did swing that way, only, he'd been committed to just doing Harry for the rest of his life. 

Zayn looks at Liam, waiting for what he was going to say. But the other boy was just wiping the lens on his camera. 

"Um. Is this okay?" Zayn asks him shyly. He thinks he hears Louis snort but ignores it, waiting for Liam to answer.

Liam looks up at him and grins, "Yeah, mate. All good. Now, if you could just stay there" he points to the spot where the models stood a while ago. "We can start" Liam tells him politely.

Zayn doesn't try to be obvious that he's trying to get a reaction from Liam. He doesn't know if Liam's just really professional, or that he's not interested in Zayn at all. He hopes it's the former because it would make it so hard to get him to fall in love with Zayn if it was the latter. He just gives direction on the poses Zayn should make, the little praise of "great", "awesome, mate", "yes, stay in that position"; but other than that, none. _keiner. geen. nenhum. wala._ Absolutely nothing else. 

"Zayn, if you could, smile a bit?" Liam asks, without taking his eyes away from the viewfinder.

Zayn smiles blankly. There's so much thoughts in his head and he's being directly spoken to by Liam but he can't find it in himself to really smile.

Liam moves a bit from where he is, he walks closer to Zayn. "A little more? Don't overthink it. Just smile, Zayn" 

Zayn tries, nervously chuckling in the process. He thinks he does well when Liam lets his camera hang on his neck to look at Zayn. 

"You're overthinking it" Liam says, not judging, just stating. "Here, let's make it easy, yeah?" Liam starts, walking towards Zayn. "Think about something or someone that makes you happy. Maybe an event? Just put your mind onto that. I'll leave you to it" and Liam walks back to where he came from and pulls up hi scamera again. He smiles at Zayn encouragingly before eyeing the viewfinder.

Zayn closes his eyes for a second. He thinks of Liam. His husband, Liam. And Jamil. He remembers the time when they first got Jamil from the hospital. They found out that their surrogate had a safe and normal delivery and they couldn't wait to see their son. He remembers Liam holding Jamil in his arms as he walks over to where Zayn as frozen by the door of the hospital room. How his tears immediately rolled down his cheeks when he saw the little baby in Liam's arms. How they both cried out of pure and utter joy seeing their baby boy. Getting to hold him and feel him for the first time ever, with the love of his life. 

Zayn opens his eyes and smiles.

"Awesome, that is what I'm looking for Zayn." Liam exclaims from where he is. "Just keep thinking of whatever it is that's making you smile that a way."

Zayn doesn't have to think about it. He's right in from of him. If only he knew. Suddenly, Zayn is overwhelmed with emotions he starts getting teary but he hold it back and smiles continually. Don't think about regret. Don't think about regret. He repeats to himself. He doesn't even hear Liam saying that it's done. He's too caught up in emotions he can't hear anything.

"Hey, you okay?" Liam is by his side, comfortingly patting his back awkwardly.

"Zayn?" Louis asks when he gets near them, from a distance, Zayn can see Eleanor and Max packing up.

Zayn shakes his head. "I'm fine. I'm sorry, I got a bit emotional there."

Liam chuckles, "It happens to the best of us. Especially when we think of what we treasure most in our hearts." he smiles at Zayn and Louis. "I'm glad you have that to think about"

"We all do." Louis says, "Thanks for being gentle with this one, Liam" he points to Zayn. Zayn elbows him which makes Louis grunt. Zayn smiles.

"Always am, photographers should encourage, you know. Never degrade." Liam grins at them. "Although it's kinda hard to believe that this is your first time modelling"

Zayn smiles at him, "I'll take that as a compliment, but yeah. I don't really like being in front of a camera that isn't my own."

"It was meant to be one." Liam smirks, "But Philip liked you so you must be a natural."

"Philip?" Louis questions as Zayn raises his eyebrows.

"My camera. His name is Philip. Patrice is another one I left at home." Liam giggles. "It's weird to other people but I like naming my stuff."

"Cool, do you name your dick too?" Louis blurts and Zayn sputters.

"Louis" Zayn hisses. Looking at Liam, hoping he isn't freaked out. But he guesses even this Liam can handle Louis as well. The younger boy throws his head back in a laugh.

"No, unfortunately I don't." He says still chuckling, "It's usually just my photography gear"

Louis shrugs, "Oh well, hey, Liam, wanna eat with us? You were the last photographer, think we all need good food after a stressful day." 

Liam smiles, "I don't want to interfere, I'm really just your photo-"

"A really cool photographer. C'mon Liam. Eat with us. We know this pizza place that has Chicken Barbecue flavour that is to _die_ for." Max says, carrying his stuff with Eleanor tailing behind him with her own stuff. Louis quickly grabs the heavy ones off of her.

Liam looks at them, "Okay, but can my friend join?"

Louis nods, "Sure."

-

They're all in a large table in Al's Pizza Place. Zayn texted Niall to join them. He quickly fit in the group with no difficulty at all. He was cracking jokes and laughing at Louis' right back. Zayn tuned them all out to talk to Liam.

"So, who's this friend?" Zayn asks curiously. He wanted to know who Liam's friends were. Did he know them? Were they new? How are they gonna start again?

Liam looks up from his phone to Zayn, "A friend of mine from the music department. 've both been quite busy and we haven't met up in a while"

"Oh," Zayn smiles, it's such a Liam move to be guilty about not seeing a friend because he's been busy. It's nice to know that he's still the Liam that Zayn fell madly in love with. "Liam, I hope you don't mind me asking, but are you sing--"

"Li!" a voice exclaims from the entrance and Liam gets up from his seat to meet the boy halfway and hug him. 

"Hey, Haz, Missed you" Liam ruffles the Harry's hair as he leads them to the table. Shit. It's Harry. He sincerely hopes Harry forgot about the whole library incident with Zayn. "Hey guys, I want you all to meet my best mate, Harry." Liam gestures to him, "Harry, this is Max, Eleanor," he points to Louis, "her boyfriend, Louis, then, Niall and Zayn." 

Harry smiles, "Hello everyone, nice to meet you." he slightly bows his head around and stops to look at Zayn. _Cmon,_ can't Zayn have a break for once? "Aren't you the guy that roughly pulled me in the library?"

Zayn chuckles nervously, "Uh, yeah. Sorry about that, mate." He hopes Harry is still as carefree and light as he is.

"It's no problem. I'd like to know who's your roommate that has a crush on me though?" Harry says teasingly. Zayn stiffens as Liam chuckles.

"You have a crush on Harry?" Louis asks Niall.

Niall shakes his head, "I just met him, what the hell, Zayn?" he laughs looking at Zayn.

"I was a bit shaken that day. Okay. Can we just forget about it?" Zayn pleads.

Liam laughs at puts his arm around Harry, "Right, Haz. We'll talk about your secret admirer later." Everyone in the table laughs.

-

Zayn agrees. This pizza is to die for. He's eaten his fourth slice and isn't planning on stopping any time soon. He also loves the company he's with. It's amazing how even though this is a whole different twist in Zayn's life, he's glad that it's still with the same people. Even with the new ones. It's weird to see Harry and Louis not being together. It also takes everything in him not to kiss Liam. He's just so endearing. Seriously, if the whole point of this whole going back in time thing was to appreciate how loveable his husband is, then _congratu-fucking-lations_ , he gets the point. He wants to go back. Not because this life isn't nice, but because his life originally was already more than enough. 

"So you found him, then" Niall whispers to him while the rest of the people in table is in an animated discussion on disney films.

Zayn nods, not looking away from where his eyes were planted on Liam. "Yeah"

"What are you gonna do about it?" Niall asks.

Zayn shrugs, "I don't know, maybe I'll just try to make him fall in love with me?"

The blonde boy smiles, "that shouldn't be hard. You've got on pretty quick" he raises his eyebrows suggestively.

Zayn's about to answer him when the table grows silent because they hear a phone ringing. Liam scrambles to get his phone out of his bag. "Excuse me" he says as he pushes away from the table to answer his phone. The others continue on their discussion

"I hope so, Niall." Zayn says to him, speaking about the conversation before.

It's not long until Zayn and Niall join the others fighting about how Bambi is the bigger tear-jerker than the Lion King. Zayn cried at Bambi but he opposes to this. The Lion King tops it. When Simba starts nudging Mufasa asking him to get up after the stampede? Shit, that was just cruel.

"Lion King, for sure man." Zayn says with conviction,"Simba's voice cracking when he said ' _dad, you gotta get up_ ', kills me every time." 

Harry shakes his head, "When Bambi's mom dies, I shatter" 

"I can't believe we are actually having a debate about this" Max says amused.

Liam returns to their table but he looks about ready to leave, picking up his stuff. "Guys, thank you so much for the pizza and the company but I gotta go." he smiles at them.

"Where are you going?" Harry asks, mouth full of pizza.

"Steven arrived, was supposed to be a surprise but I wasn't home so he called." he chuckles, "silly boy."

Harry rolls his eyes, "ugh, you make me sick. Go" 

Liam blows Harry a kiss, "Love you too." he grins at the others, "Bye guys, we should all hang out like this again some time. Always great to make new friends." 

"Give us your number" Louis says loudly, handing Liam his phone while looking at Zayn.

"Yeah, sure." Liam then gives encodes his number in Louis' phone. "Feel free to give it to anyone in the table" he hikes up his bag on his shoulder. "Bye, have a good night." With that he walks out of the pizza place.

"Who was he meeting? And why were you rude about it?" Niall asks Harry who shrugs. Zayn takes a sip of his coke as he waits for Harry's answer.

Harry laughs, "I'm not rude about it. I'm disgusted at how in love my best friend is. Sucks that he and his boyfriend go to different universities."

Zayn chokes on his drink and has a cough attack that has Niall and Louis patting his back to get him back to normal. "Boyfriend?" Zayn says when he can breathe again.

Harry nods, "Yep, Steven. Liam's boyfriend"

_Shit._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope that was somewhat, bearable? I'm sorry. I live for drama lol I was also thinking of trying to write in Liam's POV? but it's still a thought bc this story is planned in Zayn's POV. idk though, I'll think about it. Hope it was okay. And don't worry, I can assure you all that this will be a happy ending.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this chapter doesnt go with the others as much. Life outside of writing sucks right now and whenever I'm in front of a laptop to write, nothing comes out. Any mistakes are mine.

Zayn's staring at the ceiling of his bedroom again. It's been hours since they left the pizza place, hours since he's said goodbye to his new friends, hours since - well, since finding out that Liam had a boyfriend. Niall tried to calm him down after his little scene with the others. Zayn tried to keep his cool for so long until he settled with just silently sitting down until the night was over. He didn't know what to feel, or how to feel, but he knew that his heart hurt. It hurt so bad and what sucks is he doesn't even have the right to be hurt, because, here, right now, Liam just met him. 

What was he gonna do now? Does he live his life without Liam?  _No way._ Never. Not in a million years. He can't. The thought makes him sick in the stomach and choked in his throat. He's gonna talk to Niall about this tomorrow. Does stealing Liam from his boyfriend make it okay if it's in his situation? Can he make Liam fall for him? He rubs his face with his hands. _Damn it_. Why did this ever happen to him? 

"Zayn? I know you're awake." Niall calls from the door to his bedroom.

Zayn sighs and gets up to open it. "Yeah?" he asks, opening the door wide so Niall can follow him as he flops on his stomach on the bed. Face pressed on his pillow.

"You okay?" Niall asks, as he sits beside Zayn's laying figure.

"No." Zayn replies shortly.

"Look, I know it looks messy now, but maybe you got it wrong, mate? I don't know. Maybe you and Liam were meant to be friends but not together?" Niall says, gently running his hands through Zayn's hair. 

"But, Niall." Zayn breathes out, and takes his face away from the pillow to face his best friend. "I love him." He hates the way his voice cracks at those words, he couldn't help it though.

Niall sighs and looks at him sadly, "I honestly don't want to say this because it is against every single thing I believe in and stand for." he groans, "but okay."

"Okay what?" Zayn questions, sitting up.

"Okay, I'll help you get Liam to understand." Niall rolls his eyes. "Well, _try_ to get him to understand."

Zayn feels a bit guilty for being so happy about that. It can't be wrong to just try and make Liam fall for him right? It's worth the shot. Maybe life is testing how willing he is to fight for what he had. 

"Oh my god, thank you. thank you." Zayn throws himself at Niall kissing his cheek repeatedly. 

"Get off me, you ass." Niall laughs pushing him away then looking at him seriously, "But I am not allowing you to make him cheat on his boyfriend, Zayn. This isn't what this is about."

Zayn looks at him, bemused. "Of course not, but it's trying to make him fall for me, right?" Niall shakes his head. "Then what is it about?"

"Seeing if he feels the way you do. If he's going through the same confusion you are. And if he does, we'll go from there." Niall says firmly. "You will not be a home wrecker, mate."

Zayn nods and flops back on the bed. He was raised better than this. He was not taught to steal other people's boyfriend or girlfriend. _Even if it was his in the first place and life goes and mucks that up._

"Have you talked to you mum?" Niall changes the subject.

"What? No. She'd think I'm on drugs if I told her." Zayn sighs, "as much as I want to. I can't." 

"Just try. You can even make it a story, you know?" Niall encourages, "Trisha's the best. All mums are, we all need their opinion."

"I'll try calling her tomorrow." Zayn gives in.

"You do that, but for now, get some sleep. Try not to think about you know who with the other you know, okay?" Niall says, getting up and walking towards the door.

"You mean, Liam and Steven." Zayn replies, not looking away from the ceiling.

"Don't think about it!" Niall exclaims, "seriously, Z. Tomorrow, okay?"

Zayn grunts in agreement. And the moment he hears the door close, he defies Niall's suggestion entirely. He thinks about how Steven looks. Does he look like Zayn? Or does Liam like different guys now? Is he nice? He probably is, considering that Liam's dating him. Harry did say that Liam was madly in love with Steven. God, it hurts to think about that. Zayn shakes his head and grabs his phone from the side table. He goes to a familiar contact and types out a message.

_hi mum. Can I call you tomorrow? I miss you. x_

Without waiting for a reply, Zayn puts his phone back and tries to sleep. Eventually, he does.

-

 "I miss you, sunshine. Is something wrong?" Trisha says over the phone.

"Does there need to be anything wrong for me to call my mum?" Zayn giggles.

Trisha laughs, "No, but a mother always knows, honey. Homesick?"

"Something like that." Zayn starts. So Zayn starts off by speaking in this person. Telling his mum that a friend of his says he went back in time and all that he's going through. He tries to keep a casual voice as his mum encourages him to keep speaking. He tells her that 'his friend' wants to get his husband back but he's got a boyfriend and doesn't know what to do. "And yeah, what would you tell my, er, friend? He really wants his husband to like him again but he doesn't know how to do it this time around. Everything's just, different." He ends sadly. 

"Okay, I'll try to be rational about this, but time travelling? Are you sure about this, honey?" Trisha says a bit skeptical, and Zayn doesn't fault her for it. Hell, he actually thought he was in a coma. But his mum, being the great woman she is continues, "I'm not judging, but it's kind of hard to believe."

"That's what he says, mum. And he's very sure about it." Zayn tells her. "What if it is true though?"

"Well, stealing someone's, uh, technically, his husband again would be wrong in a messed up way, Zayn. Because this time around, the guy isn't his to begin with." Trisha says sadly. "Could there be a reason why he went back in time?" 

Zayn closes his eyes and nods his head even though he knows Trisha can't see him. "He thinks it may have been him not appreciating what he had, not treasuring his family enough." he chokes out.

"Oh," she replies, "maybe he needs to figure this out on his own, right, love?" 

"yeah. I guess you're right mum." Zayn says dejectedly.

"But maybe life will turn out okay for this friend, maybe not with his husband but with someone else?" Trisha encouraged but Zayn can't imagine that.

"I highly doubt that, Ammi." He fake laughs. "Anyway, thank you for your help mum. I'll let him know."

"Zayn, the best thing you can do for your friend right now is to encourage him that it'll get better. Maybe he should take the opportunity to befriend his husband, you know? At least have him as a friend." she says softly, "If things are meant to be, they will happen, Beta. Maybe, he'll go back to his life in 2020 when he understands why this had to happen."

Zayn nods, "You're right, thanks mum. I miss you."

"I miss you too, love. Visit us soon, yeah?" she says firmly.

"I will, I love you Ammi. Tell Baba and the girls I said hi. Bye" Zayn tells her. 

"Love you too, bye Zayn. Take care." And with that she hangs up. 

Zayn sighs for the umpteenth time today. He knows his mum is right. That he should just let things be. But, hours later, after tossing and turning around on his bed. Luckily, he doesn't have class today, he finds himself texting Liam.

_Hey Liam, it's Zayn. You busy?_

Zayn hopes Liam doesn't find him weird for texting him out of the blue. Having said that, he receives a reply a few minutes after.

_hi zayn, nah just finished my last class 2day, wut's up?_

_Nothing much. Niall has class until tonight, was wondering if you wanna hang out?_

_sure. where 2?_

Zayn thinks about what to reply. If he says movies that would kinda be a bit too forward, right? Maybe eat out? Or something? Err.

_I know this really good ice cream parlour. Wanna go?_

_ice cream before dinner? lol knew u'd be a gud friend. text me where I'll be there :)_

He smiles at Liam's reply. This is a start. Just a friendly meeting. Right? Zayn texts Liam the place and gets ready. He checks his phone to see a reply that makes him smile.

_c u, mate. :)_

_-_

" _Oh my god._ " Liam moans, " _This is too good._ Do all restaurants here serve amazing food? What rock have I been living under?" he questions, taking another spoon of his creme caramel ice cream. He chose cup, Zayn chose coin with his mint chocolate chip.

Zayn laughs at him from across the table, "Not all, mate. But I've been here long enough to know the best. Where do you usually eat anyway?"

"Hmmm, guess I've been too limited to the fast food chains near my building. Never got to explore." Liam replies.

"If you need a tour guide, I'm always here." Zayn smirks, and Liam looks at him blankly. Oops, was that flirty? He didn't mean to weird Liam out. Shit.

"Err, why don't you have class today?" Liam asks, changing the subject.

"Our professor gave us time to do a project," Zayn starts. "Can't seem to work on it though, lost inspiration."

Liam frowns, "Why is that?"

"Guy I like has a boyfriend." Zayn blurts out without thinking. His eyes widen, and looks at Liam who has an unreadable expression. "I mean, uh, he's -"

"Didn't know you were in to guys" Liam cuts him off. "It's all good. Harry probably told you I have a boyfriend, so no judgements here, mate."

Zayn nods. Of course. That's what it's about. Still Liam stares at him for a beat longer until he eyes on his ice cream again. After a moment of awkward silence, Liam looks up at him.

"I can help you get inspired." Liam grins.

Zayn looks at him confused but also a bit curious, "What do you mean?"

Liam rolls his eyes, "C'mon." He gets up from his seat and grabs Zayn's arm out of the ice cream parlour to the bus stop.

"Where are we going?" Zayn asks when they're on the bus.

Liam grins at him excitedly, "It's a place I've always went to when I felt..stuck. Maybe it could help you get inspiration."

 _Smile at me like that everyday and I could write a million novels about it._ Zayn thinks but instead, he says, "okay, we'll see."

"Oh, you will." Liam says with a pat on Zayn's head. The pair laugh.

-

"Not that I don't trust you or anything but where are we?" Zayn says as he follows Liam through a grove of trees beside the park just a few blocks away from campus. It was an uphill so he was breathing a bit heavy already. Damn, he need exercise.

Liam looks at him, "we're almost there, Zayn. I'll let the place speak to you."

"Whatever Liam," Zayn rolls his eyes, "Do you know I technically have a right not to trust you? I mean, we just met, I -" he's cut off when he slams into Liam's back. He was about to snap at the other boy when he looks around to where Liam brought him. He's left speechless. 

The place was..beautiful would be an understatement. They arrived just when the sun was about to set and they were on a hill, that had a perfect view of the campus and the sun was setting before them. He could see the beautiful hues reflecting from the sun, the people looking like ants from where they are, he sees the park with all the ponds, flowers and trees, coinciding with the beauty before them. The uni looks so good from this perspective. Zayn can now see the intricate thought on the architect who designed it. The giant clock i the middle of campus stood out, he could faintly hear it ringing. Zayn looked at Liam who had a content smile looking at the view. It took every bit of strength in him not kiss Liam and tell him that Zayn loves him. It was just, perfect. 

"Wow." is all Zayn says.

Liam looks away from the view to smile at him knowingly, "Told you." he sits on the grass, "Sit with me?"

"Look at that, I'm inspired now." Zayn teases, sitting beside the boy.

"Shut up, this isn't a place I show anyone I just met, you know" Liam tells him.

Zayn raises his eyebrows, "So I'm special then?" 

Liam looks at him blankly, "I just get on with you, well. I guess. I feel like I can trust you." his brows furrow, "I don't know why though."

"No, I get it." Zayn starts, moving closer to Liam. He looks at Liam's eyes then moves to his lips. He repeats the motion a few times, "I feel like I can trust you too." he leans closer.

Liam quickly pulls away, standing up. "Well, look at that!" he says loudly. "The sun has set, and we got what we came here for."

Zayn hangs his head before getting up. "Yeah, hey Liam, I'm -" 

"Let's go, Zayn" Liam cuts him off and starts going down the hill. Zayn sighs but follows him anyway.

-

"Thanks for hanging out, Li." Zayn uses the nickname out of habit. He hopes Liam doesn't mind. "And thanks for helping me get inspired."

Liam smiles at him softly, "No problem, Zayn. Glad I could help."

"Listen, Liam, I just -" Zayn starts but Liam's phone starts ringing. Damn it. Can't he win?

Liam looks at him sheepishly, "sorry, mate. It's Steven. I gotta take this." 

Zayn smiles at him tightly and nods. He'll wait.

" _Hey babe_." Liam says to the person on the phone. 

" _Met up with a friend, remember Zayn? I told you about him and the other people I met yesterday._ " 

" _Yeah, I miss you too. Listen, I'll call you later, yeah_?"

" _Bye, I love you._ " 

Zayn quickly looks away to hide his expression of pain when he hears the last three words.

"Sorry about that," Liam starts, "What did you wanna say?"

Zayn shakes his head, "Nothing." he says softly, "Just, we should do this again sometime?"

"Anytime, Zayn. Just a text away." Liam lightly punches his shoulder and stops at Zayn's building. "This is you, right?"

"Yeah," Zayn says with a nod. "Thanks again for today, you really didn't have to walk me home."

Liam lets out a belly laugh, "It was no problem at all. Besides, it's along the way so it's no big deal. See you soon?"

"I hope so. Goodnight, Liam." Zayn says to him about to walk away into his building when he feels Liam move closer to him. He holds his breath, his heart hammering in his chest, wondering what Liam's doing. 

Liam hugs him, "I hope you got inspired. The guy you like? The one with the boyfriend?" he says, not pulling away yet. "I'm sure he wants you to be happy too." 

Zayn tries his very best to hold back his tears and be cool about this. His voice betrays him as he laughs, voice cracking. "Thanks, Li." As Liam pulls away, smiling at Zayn softly.

"Goodnight, Zayn." He waves goodbye and walks away.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this sucked, I'm sorry. And it's short. :(( Just having a little of a block these days. Trying to get back into it. Anyway, hope it was at least bearable. Thanks for reading this far :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hellooooo :) hope this is okay. any mistakes are mine.

A month has passed by since Zayn went back in time. Everyday since, he wishes to wake up happily married, next to Liam, in their home, with their son. Everyday since, he gets that wish crushed. But he's getting by. He's developed a friendship with everyone from his life again, although different, it's better than nothing. He hangs out with Liam a lot. They've become really close friends despite that awkward first hang out. Zayn has learned to be a bit more discreet about his feelings just so he can hang out with Liam. 

Turns out, nothing is really different. Liam still likes Batman a lot, he still laughs at the littlest of things, still a morning person. He's still the Liam that loves dogs, and gets sad over animal stories. Liam still has the kindest heart, always putting others first before himself. Whenever he and the others hang out, Liam always asks about what they want to do, even though Zayn knows he always plans ahead. 

It's hard for Zayn, at some point. He's gotten so used to kissing Liam when he's talking about something he loves because he's just so damn endearing, the way his eyes light up and how quick he talks because he can't seem to emphasise it well enough. It's cute. And when he's sad, Zayn can't help but want to cuddle him and make him feel better. Sadly, he doesn't have that right anymore. He's - dealing with it. But he's in no rush. He's getting to know Liam again, he's having the chance to fall in love with him all over again. And to Zayn, maybe it's a good thing.

"They're good, Li." Zayn chuckles from the couch.

Liam pouts him, he's sat at the floor with a bunch of photos spread out on the coffee table and looks at Niall, "Niall, do you think these are good enough?" he shows Niall the photos. He's asking for opinions because he's choosing his best shots for a project.

Niall takes them from him, as Zayn squawks, "isn't my opinion enough?"

"No. You're always too nice to me." Liam humphs, shaking his head at Zayn. He's obviously stressed about this and Zayn's trying to get him to chill a bit.

Niall laughs, "He's right, Z. I even think Liam's already replaced me as your favourite person."

"Shut up, both of you." Zayn fake groans and sits beside Liam on the floor, "I say they're good because they are, totally not a favourite thing." 

"Promise?" Liam looks up at him, jutting his bottom lip a bit. He looks so cute like that, he still has the best puppy face hands down.

Zayn nods his head, and puts a hand on his chest, "I promise."

"He's lying! We all know your best shots are the ones of me, Li." Harry says, walking in the living room of his and Liam's dorm. "Zayn just likes these," he picks up the photos, "because he was with you when you took them." he drops them on the table and crosses his arms.

Zayn rolls his eyes, "Not true, you know these are good." he picks up a photo of him, "see, in this one, the sunset looks so beautiful. And the model's pretty damn good looking." he smirks at the three boys who groan in unison.

"All of you are of no help at all." Liam says exasperated. 

"Hey," Zayn starts, grabbing Liam's hand, "you'll ace this, yeah? No worrying. You're amazing, Li." Niall snorts, which causes Zayn to pull away from Liam. "I mean - uh, you'll do well."

Liam smiles at him softly, "Thank you." he says sincerely. They stare at each other for a while and Zayn knows he should look away because he's so close to just grabbing Liam's face and kissing him senseless.

Harry eyes Zayn, then moves to Liam, then to Niall. "Okay," prolonging the word. "Shall we eat?" 

"Can't." Liam says, "Visiting Steven for the weekend." he says, picking up the photos and placing them in an envelope.

"You're leaving?" Zayn asks before thinking, a hint of disappointment in his voice which causes Harry to raise an eyebrow at him. Zayn pretends he doesn't notice.

"Yeah, I'll be back on Sunday though." Liam says standing up, and going to his room.

Zayn watches him leave and stares at Liam's bedroom door even after it closes. That is, until Harry clears his throat. "What?" Zayn asks defensively.

"When he leaves, we're talking about this." Harry says firmly.

Zayn's about to get defensive and ask what Harry means when Liam walks out again. "Harry, I'm leaving." Liam calls out.

"Take care, Honey!" Harry sing songs and Niall laughs.

"Don't call me that." Liam snaps, walking in the living room, "Bye Niall, Zayn." he waves at them.

"Bye Li." Niall replies with a wave himself.

"Bye." Zayn says, trying to sound light but failing. Liam doesn't seem to notice this because he grins at the three boys one last time and walks out.

Zayn stares at the door. This has also been a recurring thing. Liam leaving everything he's doing when it comes to Steven. Zayn wishes Steven was a bad guy. Someone who wasn't good for Liam, someone ugly with an ugly heart. He then realised how much of a selfish prick he would be if he wanted that because Liam deserves more. Which Zayn thinks he has. Liam's nothing but happy when he talks to or about Steven. It doesn't help Zayn's bitter heart. So being the stubborn guy that he is, he avoids the problem altogether. He acts as if he doesn't know Steven exists, changes the subject every time Liam brings him up, and doesn't ask about the guy either. It's better this way.

Zayn's thoughts are cut off when Harry snaps his fingers in front of Zayn's face. He scrunches up his nose and grabs Harry's hands. "Stop that." he hisses.

"You like Liam." Harry says as a statement and not a question.

Zayn shakes his head, "Harry, I - no, it's not -" he stutters out.

"Give it up, mate. He's been wondering for a while now." Niall says to Zayn.

Zayn stares at Niall, then to Harry. "Please don't get mad. Please don't tell him." he looks down, "I'm not trying anything, I'm just - I need him in my life."

Harry groans, "I wanted you to deny it, mate!" he gets up from the couch and starts pacing. "I thought about it, you know? Even from the night we met. I saw the way you looked at him." he stops walking around and flops beside Zayn on the floor. "But I thought, maybe you were being nice? Everyone's nice to Liam." 

"Harry, Zayn didn't ask for this." Niall says, "please don't be mad at him." Zayn stays quiet, head down.

"I'm not!" Harry exclaims, "No, I'm not mad." the youngest boy shakes his head and grabs Zayn by the cheeks, lifting his face up to look at him. "I just wish I could help you out, Zayn. You're great for Liam." he says with a sad smile. "But Steven is amazing."

"I know." Zayn nods, tears welling up in his eyes as he prays it doesn't roll down his cheeks. He pulls away from Harry, "Just, let me deal with this, okay?"

Harry looks at Niall, "Okay, but -"

"I will not get in between their relationship. Promise." Zayn says.

"Okay. Good." Harry smiles. "Now, give me a hug." he moves closer to Zayn and wraps him in a hug that has him immediately sinking into the younger boy. "Join us, Niall." Niall laughs but after a few seconds Zayn feels a pair of arms above Harry's. 

-

Zayn and Liam are hanging out in Zayn's dorm. Niall is out, so it's just the two of them. Zayn making a plate due tomorrow with Liam asking so much questions. Very enthralling, this boy. 

"How do you draw like that?" Liam asks, looking over Zayn's shoulder as he takes measurements at the plate he's making. 

"Asking me that is like me asking you how you take pictures" Zayn responds, stopping what he's doing to smile at Liam scrunching up his nose.

Liam rolls his eyes, "That's totally different. But whatever you say, Z." the younger boy smiles at him. "I have favour though."

"What is it?" Zayn puts his pencil down, turns his back on the table and leans on it.

"It's mine and Steven's third anniversary next week. Help me plan something?" Liam says excitedly, as if he didn't just stab a metaphorical knife in Zayn's heart. 

Zayn shakes his head, "Not so good at that, Li." he mumbles, "maybe Louis can help with that."

"Come on, Zayn. Please?" Liam juts his bottom lip. "Please?" 

"No." Zayn says shortly, walking away from Liam and moving towards his bedroom. 

Liam, although shy and quiet at first, follows Zayn, groaning. "Why won't you help me?"

"Wrong person to ask, mate. I'm not in a relationship." Zayn says, flopping on the bed.

Liam flops beside him, "Exactly why I'm asking for your help, Zaynie. What would you want?" he sits up and gestures his hands wildly, "If you were in a relationship of three years, what would you want as a surprise?"

"If I had you, Li. I wouldn't ask for anything more." Zayn says softly.

Liam looks as if he would snapped his neck if he moved quicker after hearing those words. " _Why do you do that_?" he asks sharply. "Why do you keep saying suggestive stuff with me?" he gets up from the bed and paces around. "I'm not one to assume a lot, Zayn. But this is getting out of hand."

Zayn gulps, " _Liam_ , no, Li. I didn't mean it that way -"

"Then what did you mean? You've been doing this ever since." Liam cuts him off, "And then you have this look on your face whenever I mention Steven, like, it's like, I -" he stops himself to take a breath. "You act like I owe you something. Like I owe you an explanation as to why I'm in love with _my boyfriend_." He rubs a hand on his face, "I've tried to brush it off, but it's making me uncomfortable Zayn. You're my friend."

"So what if I don't want to be just your friend, huh?" Zayn snaps. He's hurting, that's the thing. He can't control his emotions now and since Liam is asking for him to admit it. He damn well will.

Liam stares at him, "That's not really your choice, Zayn. I'm in a relationship."

"Yeah, I know that, Liam." Zayn hisses, "It's not like you ever make anyone forget."

Liam looks at him for a long moment. "I'm sorry." And with that he leaves Zayn's room and walks out the door of the dorm.

Zayn is hurt. And when Zayn is hurt, he tries to cover it up with anger so he tells himself that he's mad at Liam. If he hadn't pushed so much, they wouldn't be in this situation. He did say he noticed Zayn's comments, why'd he have to ask Zayn about an anniversary surprise?  
All lies Zayn tells himself comes crumbling down when he lays back on the bed. His heart aches. Did he spoil all the possibilities of ever getting Liam back? Good going, Zayn. Now you don't even have him as a friend. He can't help but let the tears fall down to his ears as he stares at the ceiling. This has been a common feat now. He just cries silently, still hoping this was all a dream. He forces his eyes to close and opens them only when he feels like he's been sleeping a while. Hoping to wake up from this nightmare. He doesn't.

-

"Let me get this straight. You're married to Liam in 2020? But you came back in time because of a reckless _statement_?" Louis crosses his arms from his seat across the table. He's come to visit Zayn since Niall told him about his misery. And because Louis' pushy, Zayn decided to tell him everything; evidently, he doesn't believe him.

Zayn nods, "Yep." Popping the p.

"I don't believe you." Louis lifts his chin. "Time travelling is literally impossible, dear Zayn. You're high."

"I'm not!" Zayn says loudly, "Louis, I'm not. And now I've ruined all chances of ever getting what I had back." he says, suddenly soft.

Louis face turns serious and he gets up from his seat to move in front of Zayn, the older boy looks him in the eye as if he's searching for something before realisation dawns on him. " _Shit_. It's either you're a really good liar or you're really serious." 

"I'm telling the truth! Why would I lie about this?" Zayn says exasperatedly. "What do I do, Louis?" he leans his elbows on the table and puts his face in his hands.

"Well, you shouldn't have told him you wanted to be more than friends when he has a boyfriend." Louis snorts, "that's for damn sure."

Zayn glares at him, "I didn't necessarily tell him I liked him like that." he says defensively, "well, at least not blatantly. But he got the point."

"And you expect him to just fall in love with you? You expect him to leave Steven and run into your arms declaring that he loves you back?" Louis asks incredulously.

"I didn't expect that, but I sure wanted it to happen." Zayn says quietly. Louis laughs loudly, Zayn knows it's put on to prove a point. It doesn't annoy him less though. 

"With that thought in mind, the time travelling thing isn't that impossible anymore." Louis says as a matter of factly. "You know what you need to do? Apologise. Let him know that having him as just friend is better than not having him at all."

Zayn looks at Louis, "but - it hurts."

Louis looks at him sadly, his hard and reprimanding facade now faded away. "I know, Z." he wraps Zayn in a hug, "But in this situation, not saying I believe it completely, but if I did, it's the best you can do."

"I can't just tell him what I told you huh." Zayn says dejected.

"He'd call you crazy." Louis giggles.

Zayn laughs a bit and punches Louis' arm gently. "Maybe I am." Louis doesn't respond, he just smiles at Zayn sadly and kisses his forehead. 

-

After three days of no communication, Liam is sat on the couch of Zayn and Niall's dorm staring at the TV that isn't even turned on. Niall invited him over with the intention of getting him and Zayn to talk but of course, he didn't tell Liam that. 

"You said you needed my help with a camera." Liam deadpans.

Niall rolls his eyes, "You guys need to talk, Li. He didn't mean any harm."

Liam stubbornly huffs and crosses his arms, "why are you all so concerned about my friendship with Zayn? Louis actually texted me last night too."

"We love you both, we hate that you're fighting over something so little." Niall explains.

Zayn walks in the living area and sits beside Liam. "Niall, give us a minute?" Niall nods ruffling Liam's hair before walking to his room.

"one, two, three," Liam starts counting which causes Zayn to raise his eyebrows at him. 

"What are you doing?" 

"You asked for a minute, I'm giving you what you're asking for." Liam snaps at him.

Zayn snorts, "you're unbelievable." he shakes his head.

"thirty two, thirty three, you got thirty seconds left, you're gonna spend that mocking me?" Liam challenges.

Zayn looks at him fondly. He used to do this with Liam all the time. When they were cross with each other and they'd talk, it would be Liam counting down just to annoy Zayn. Right now, Zayn savours it. Normally, he'd get annoyed and call Liam immature but now, he sees a glimpse of his husband. And he can't help but feel love instead of anger.

"fifty nine, sixty, time's up" Liam gets up from the couch, "that was useless but -"

Zayn grabs his hand and makes him sit back down. "Are you done?" he asks Liam softly.

Liam's jaw is tensed and his eyes are not warm at all, but after a second his face crumples and he throws himself at Zayn. "I'm sorry." he says against Zayn's neck. "I overreacted a bit."

"You didn't. You had every right to react that way." Zayn says rubbing Liam's back. "I'm sorry. I should've been more respectful."

Liam pulls away, "Can we just pretend it didn't happen?" he looks at Zayn with hopeful eyes. "Our fight. I hate fighting."

"What fight?" Zayn asks innocently.

"Exactly." Liam grins. "We're good?"

Zayn sighs and wraps an arm around Liam in a side hug, "We're good. Ice cream?"

Liam whoops and fist bumps the air, "Definitely."

They leave the dorm after letting Niall know that they're okay to which the blonde boy is happy about. When they arrived at the ice cream parlour they planned to try new flavours instead of the usuals they usually got. Liam got strawberry flavoured, even though Zayn warned him that the fruit flavoured ones suck. While Zayn got panna cotta. 

Liam groans, " _Zayn_ , trade with me."

Zayn pulls his hand holding his ice cream cone away from Liam, " _No_." he hisses, "I told you fruit flavours suck, you wouldn't believe me."

"How does strawberry flavoured ice cream taste so _bad_?" Liam whines, "Zayn, _come on_. You owe me after our fight."

The older boy laughs at him, "What fight?" Zayn smirks, "It _never_ happened, remember?"

"Fuck you." Liam says with a laugh.

"My, my. Such a potty mouth, Liam." Zayn clicks his tongue at him.

Liam punches him lightly, "Learned from the best."

They walk out of the ice cream parlour with a few jokes here and there. Just having a good time, totally forgetting what happened in the past few days. The pair decide to head to Liam's dorm for a little movie night. Just to have a bit of the normalcy in their friendship back. 

"What should we watch?" Liam asks Zayn as they enter the lift in Liam's building.

Zayn shrugs, "I'm good with anything." he smiles, "no chick flicks, though."

Liam rolls his eyes, "Please, you'd be the first one crying at a chick flick."

"Exactly why I don't want to watch one." Zayn admits causing Liam to laugh loudly.

"Oh my god. We're gonna have to watch one now." Liam says walking out of the lift towards his room.

Zayn follows after him, "Not a chance." 

Liam stops at his door and twists the key to find out that it's unlocked. "Whoops, Harry must be home."

The door opens and both Zayn and Liam hear laughters from two voices. One of them Harry's and one that Zayn doesn't recognise. Liam sure does though because he lights up and rushes to the living area leaving Zayn to tail behind him after closing the door. When they reach the living area, Harry is sat at the couch looking at Liam and Zayn with wide eyes.

"Babe!" Liam exclaims, throwing his arms around a tall brunette, just a bit taller than Liam. His hair is up in a quiff and and his body built is almost the same as Liam's, a chiseled jaw line and piercing light brown eyes. He's wearing gray henley that hug his body well enough to see his abs slightly and tight on his arms to see his muscles bulge, and black jeans. He looks damn good. 

"Hey love, missed me?" the boy speaks and great, his speaking voice is hot too? Zayn literally can't win. 

Liam nods, "only so much." he kisses the boy's cheek and looks at Zayn. "Oh, I'd like you to meet my friend."

Zayn looks at Harry who has a sheepish look on his face. But Zayn knows it isn't his fault, more importantly, he knows he has no right to feel bad. So instead, he approaches the couple and holds out his hand and hopes that his put on smile seems even a tad bit real, "I'm Zayn. Nice to meet you." And although he has a pretty good idea on who this guy is, his heart crumples a bit at the reply.

The other boy grins and shakes Zayn's hand, "Hey mate, 'm Steven."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's a bit fast paced? sorry, I don't know how to drag the story to be a bit more interesting lol hope this was good enough to read tho lol
> 
> hope everyone had a good halloween. :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so late, I'm so sorry! lol hope it's okay? Happy December!!! 
> 
> p.s. any mistakes are mine, sorry bout those too :)

"Here, mate." 

Zayn looks up from the couch seeing Steven hand him a beer. "Thanks" he takes the bottle as the other boy sits beside him on the couch. "So, how long have you known Liam?" Zayn starts, trying to keep the tension within himself and not towards Steven.

"I've known him for four years." Steven says with a grin, "I met him through Harry actually. One summer, Harry worked with me at McDonald's." he looks at Harry who is sat with Liam on the floor, playing video games.

Zayn nods, "Cool."

"How about you? Are you with someone?" Steven asks not condescending just curious.

It doesn't help Zayn's unease though. "No." He snaps.

Steven raises his hands in defense, "sorry, I didn't mean to dig up a wound or something."

Zayn shakes his head, "No, it's - just, complicated." he fakes a smile. 

"Everything is, isn't it?" Steven says with a laugh.

"Not for you though? You seem happy." Zayn says, trying to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. 

Steven beams at him, then looks at Liam fondly. "The happiest. He's amazing."

It's as if Zayn was stabbed in the heart countless times without feeling death, just the pain of it. He quietly sucks in a breath and wills himself to smile at the other boy who's looking at him expectantly after a moment of silence. "I'm sure he is." Zayn looks down at his hands, "I can see he loves you very much." and he wants to pat himself in the back for his voice not cracking all over as he says those words because he feels a heavy weight in his chest from just the thought of it.

"I'm lucky. But I love him the same." Steven looks away from Zayn to look at Liam again, nothing but sincerity in his eyes as he says the next words, "I couldn't ask for more. He's my best friend and my rock in every aspect of life. He was there for me when I lost my mum." He looks at Zayn, "Liam was there for me when I didn't get in the university I dreamed about," Steven smiles, "He's been with me through my darkest days, and he's been with me through my loneliest nights." he tips his bottle a bit at Zayn, "And I plan on spending my best days, even the not so good ones with him."

Zayn looks away from Steven, "I'm happy you have that kind of love." he croaks, "Don't - just, don't waste it yeah?" he says softly. "He's the best, it'd be the bleakest kind of loss if you lost him."

Steven makes a face at him, "Losing Liam would probably be the worst thing that would happen to me after losing my mum."

"Boom! _Yes!_ " Liam shouts getting up from the floor, startling the two boys on the couch.

Harry whines, "Not fair, you cheated," 

"Nobody likes a sore loser, Harry." Liam mocks. "Now, c'mon, you owe us all dinner."

"Fine." Harry gets up from his place on the floor and looks at Zayn and Steven. "We made a bet. Loser buys dinner. And since I am a man of my word, despite Liam cheating-" 

"Hey!" Liam groans.

"- I will buy dinner." Harry continues, "you all down for chinese?"

"Sure." Steven gets up and walks over to Liam to give him a chaste kiss, "thanks for that babe." he laughs.

Zayn looks away from the interaction too late. He tries to not let it affect him. He and Liam just became friends again so he's trying. Trying so hard to act nonchalant. Harry sees through him and puts an arm around Zayn, squeezing as if to say, _I'm here_ and Zayn's grateful but he knows he can't take this so he speaks up, "As enticing free dinner sounds, I'm gonna have to pass"

Liam looks at him warily, "Why?"

And damn it, Zayn wants to scream at him and tell him that he can't take seeing Liam with someone else. He'll die if he sees more of this. Not physically but his heart has been on a fast paced journey to destruction the moment he met Steven. "Niall needs me" he says quickly, taking out his phone to add to his act. "He, er - needs emotional support right now since he failed his exam."

"Oh." Liam looks worried, "Does he need us too?"

Zayn wants to slap him. Can't Liam understand that he literally cannot be in the same vicinity as Liam right now? Can't he see the pain he's putting Zayn through? " _No._ " he snaps, as soon as he realises his tone, he schools it with a smile, "I just need to be there for my best mate. You guys enjoy dinner." Zayn thinks he deserves an award for the act he's played tonight. He's giving those oscar winning actors a run for their money because he's feeling far from what he's showing right now.

"Okay, only if you're sure." Liam says sincerely.

 "I am." Zayn says with finality. "Thanks for tonight. Have a good - uh, dinner." he hugs Harry and goes to hug Liam but chooses to pat his shoulder awkwardly instead. "It was nice meeting you, Steven." Zayn says when he turns to the boy.

"Likewise, Zayn. Any friend of this one" Steven kisses Liam's cheek, "is a friend of mine." he finishes, giving Zayn a light pat on the shoulder, "Hope your best mate is okay."

Zayn smiles, "He will be." The question is will Zayn be, but they don't need to hear that right now.

"Call us if you need back up." Harry says softly, looking at Zayn with sad eyes. Zayn hates it.

"I will, bye." Zayn turns and heads out the door of Liam and Harry's flat in quick strides. To the lift and quickly walks, no, runs to his dorm because he there is _no way in hell_ that he's crying in the street. 

As if on cue, Zayn feels rain drops on his arm and he looks up tot he sky as if to ask  _really?_ and quickens his pace to his dorm. The rain pours harder as he gets closer to his building but he doesn't seem to care. The storm in his heart is worse than what's on the outside. He finally,  _finally,_ reaches his building and practically runs to the lift and into his room. As soon as he's inside, he leans on the door and breathes heavily. He's okay. He is. He's fine. It'll be okay. He doesn't realise that he slid down on the floor, head on his knees and he's sobbing already, tears falling down his cheeks with no sign of stopping.

He didn't realise Niall was home until he felt the boy kneel next to him and take his hands from his kneed. " _Zayn_? What happened?"

"Liam" Zayn sobs out, "Niall, it hurts - _it hurts so much_." he grabs on to the younger boy and cries.

"Hey, it's okay. Just, let it out." Niall rubs his back. 

They stay like that for a few more minutes until Zayn shifts to pull away. "Sorry." he tells Niall softly.

"No need to apologise, mate. 's what I'm here for." Niall replies. "What happened?"

"I, just - me and Liam talked and we're okay now." Zayn sighs, "we decided to go to his and Harry's dorm and when we got there" he takes in a sharp breath. "Steven was there and _god_ , Niall, he's amazing. He's really, really nice. He really loves Liam, and I -" he breaks off. "I need to be alone."

"Zayn, I don't think it's a good idea to be alone right now," Niall says concerned. "Do you want to eat? We can order -"

" _No._ " Zayn snaps, "No, Niall. I want to be alone." he says weakly, exhausted from crying and even  _feeling_ at this point.

Niall looks at his best mate. He looks worried and Zayn feels like a shitty friend for not allowing him to help him but right now, he just needs to be alone. Or maybe Liam. But the latter choice isn't even a choice anymore, is it? "Okay, Z. But I'll be in my room, let me know if you need me, okay?"

Zayn nods even though he knows he won't want to bother Niall for the rest of the night. He's already a mess himself, he doesn't have to drag his best mate down with him. The pair get up from the floor and separately go to their rooms. For Zayn, in all honesty, being alone right now was the worst thing and the best thing at the same time. 

Flopping on the bed, Zayn realises that being alone was good to get away from everything. From realising that the point of going back in time was to slap Zayn in the face and show him how stupid he was for ever thinking that his life wasn't the best already. It was good because the door to his room seemed to blind him of the bleak reality that Liam isn't his anymore. It was good because in these moments, Zayn could still pretend that this was all a dream.

It's the  _worst_ because it reminds Zayn that he is _alone_ , Niall's there and his other friends too but Zayn doesn't have Liam with him anymore. Liam doesn't necessarily make the bad things go away, but he sure made Zayn feel strong enough to overcome them. Being alone is the worst when he remembers that he's the only one feeling this because he's the only one who had a view of what his life was before going back in time. It's the worst because he's left with the thoughts of _regret_ and thoughts of _I would do anything to get that back_ but never beyond those thoughts. 

He wishes Steven were a jerk. He wishes that he was this evil guy that was unreasonably possessive over Liam. Someone who didn't love Liam the way he deserved to be loved. Zayn wanted Steven to be a dick so bad, so his feelings could be warranted somehow. That maybe, him getting Liam wouldn't be that bad. But now, as he lies on his bed, he realises how selfish he was. If he wished for that, he'd be wishing Liam the worst, and that's something Liam doesn't deserve. If Liam was given another chance to be happy, shouldn't Zayn be the first person to accept that? Even if it meant that this chance wasn't going to be with him anymore.

He feels tears in his eyes again. Can't he just have one more moment with Liam? Just one more moment with him. Zayn just really wants Liam to know that he loves him so much and how sorry he is for not loving him the way he deserved when he had the chance. And that - and if him being happy doesn't involve Zayn, he's going to let go. Just, he just needs one more chance to let him know that. 

Zayn sits up from the bed and grabs his phone and starts typing out a text.

_Liam, are you free tomorrow? I need to talk to you._

And with that, he presses send.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter turned out sadder than what I initially planned lol will try to update more soon. thanks for staying with this fic until here xx


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is almost coming to an end, don't worry the sad times won't last any longer lol any mistakes are mine.

Zayn is sat at the corner of a coffee shop sipping his coffee while waiting. He told Liam to meet him if he wasn't too busy after class. Part of Zayn hopes he doesn't show up so he doesn't have to go through with what he's planning on doing.  _He's gonna tell Liam the truth._ But how does he do that without sounding batshit crazy? Does he just blurt it out on him? How do you make someone believe that you're married to them when they barely know you? Fuck, he can't do this. Zayn stares at the entrance of the shop for a few seconds before deciding to text and cancel on Liam. He can't do this, he needs more time. He -  _cling._

That was the sound of the chimes on the door. It obviously meant someone entered the shop. Zayn looks down and closes his eyes tightly. Please don't let it be Liam. But if it is, _Pl_ _ease don't let him see me_. He doesn't have the strength to -

"Zayn?" Liam chirps from across him which causes Zayn to look up. "Knew it was you!" 

"Uh, hey Li." Zayn replies nervously, "take a seat."

Liam chuckles and sits across him, "how formal. What's up?"

"Nothing much," Zayn shrugs and takes a large gulp from his mug. Thank god the coffee wasn't hot anymore.

"You wanted to meet for 'nothing much'"? Liam smirks at him.

Zayn closes his eyes and sighs deeply. "No" he says, voice soft and serious. "I wanted to really talk to you about something." he opens his eyes to look at the other boy.

Liam's playful behaviour shifts into a nervous one when he senses Zayn's tension. "Is something wrong?" he asks, concerned.

"I, - I just. I don't know how to say this." Zayn starts. "Liam, you need to listen to me, okay?" he asks hopeful.

"Okay?" Liam replies, unsure but he smiles encouragingly at Zayn. 

As the older boy was about to speak, a familiar tune plays loudly from the speakers.  _If you, if you could return, don't let it burn, don't let it fade._ The music blasts from the speakers of the little coffee shop and the pair look around for the barista to lower down the volume but they don't see him anywhere. Zayn's eyes widen and his heart picks up its pace. He nervously looks as Liam to see any reaction from the boy.

" _I swore, I swore I would be true, and honey, so did you._ " Liam sing songs and smiles at Zayn.

Zayn stares at him for a moment and he tries to calm his heart down and sings with Liam, " _You know I'm such a fool for you. You got me wrapped around your finger_ ," and somehow that's how they both end up instead of talking. They give each other knowing smiles as they sing the lyric to a familiar song to both of them. It comforts Zayn a bit because it just proves the strong connection he has with Liam. No twist in time could every break what love started.

" _Do you have to let it linger?_ " Liam sings the last line with a little note change. He grins at Zayn, "Sorry, I love that song."

"Me too." Zayn smiles at him. He suddenly remembers a place he loved going to when he met Liam the first time around 2010. "Hey, Liam, wanna get out of here?"

Liam gives him a look and whines, "but I just got here."

Zayn rolls his eyes, "come on, it'll be fun. I know a place."

"Damn, Zayn, you're so bossy."

Zayn snorts, "I'm not, but I will be if you don't get you ass moving!" he gets up from his seat, grabs Liam's hand and drags him out of the shop. He tries not to think about how familiar Liam's hands are. Warm and calloused, still fits in Zayn's perfectly. Obviously, he's failing at not thinking about it.

"Where are we going anyway? It's almost dark out." Liam asks as he walks beside Zayn.

"I'm not even sure if the place still exists but I used to go there all the time." Zayn admits. He's bringing Liam to a spot they used to hang out in. It was in a little playground in the park a few blocks the other way around campus. Zayn doesn't know if it's there this time, but it's worth the shot. Linger made him a bit nostalgic and would it make him selfish if he wanted Liam to himself right now? Is that wrong? Because honestly, right now, Zayn couldn't care less. "But we'll see. Come on."

Zayn leads them to a fairly quiet park, there's only a little amount of people. A food truck parked by the curb and a few benches on the side. It's already dark and the park is only lit up by streetlights. Zayn practically squeals when he sees a familiar slide, a large sand box and a swing set a bit further in the park.

"Hey Liam" Zayn looks at him and grins, "Race ya" he cocks his head to the direction of the playground.

Liam lets out a belly laugh, "What are we? five?" 

" _Ohhhhh_ , is that really the issue?" Zayn teases, "Or are you just scared I could outrun you?" 

The younger boy pushes Zayn slightly, "okay, I can't believe I'm doing this." Liam giggles, "but it's on."

"one, two," Zayn was about to say three when Liam started sprinting before he got the word out. "Hey!"

Zayn runs after Liam whose laughter is echoing around the park because of it's lack of people. He's still the fast runner Zayn remembers he is. Zayn quickens his pace and as he catches up to Liam he hops on his back laughing, "you cheated, you shit!" 

Liam laughs as he spins around trying to get Zayn off of him, "just admit it Zayn, you aren't as fast as me."

Zayn struggles to stay where he is as Liam decides to just carry Zayn to the playground. He steps on the sandbox and lands on his back so he's on top of Zayn. He's still gentle but Liam's heavy so Zayn pushes at his back, "get off me, you git."

Liam rolls over but he doesn't really move away so he ends up hovering over Zayn. "you lost." he says softly.

Zayn nods his head dumbly, "I did." He's staring and he knows Liam notices, but the other boy continues to look at him with something in his eyes that Zayn can't describe.

"Loser." Liam blurts out and thumps Zayn's forehead laughing before laying down beside the older boy.

"Whatever, cheater." Zayn giggles. They both stay like that for a moment. Just them lying beside each other staring at the stars, no words. 

"So? this is the place then?" Liam whispers. Zayn doesn't understand why he's whispering but it seems fitting at the moment.

Zayn looks at him, "yeah, I love this place. It gives me good memories." he answers just as quietly.

Liam shifts his head and looks at Zayn, "it's beautiful." He smiles at Zayn. God, it was always breathtaking, but there's something different when Liam's under the moonlight. His eyes shine brighter even in the dark expanse of the night. His smile seems warmer in the coolness of the breeze. 

"Anyway, you brought me here to talk right?" Liam sits up. "What about?"

Zayn sits up quickly and jerkily shakes his head, "The night is young, let's - uh, let's" he scans the place for something to change the topic to and he spots the food truck. "Let's eat!" he says loudly and starts for the food truck when Liam grabs his hand. 

"Then we'll talk?" Liam presses.

Zayn nods slowly, "yeah, then we'll talk." he forces a smile which Liam gladly responds to.

"Okay, I'm starving."

-

"These have to be the best chips I have ever had in my entire life." Liam exclaims with his mouth full as he sits on the bench beside Zayn. Devouring three chips at one go.

Zayn makes a face at him, "close your mouth" he laughs, "and why do you always say that about food?"

This time Liam swallows before speaking, "because it's the truth!" he grabs another chip and takes a bite. " _So good_." 

"Shut up, Li." Zayn laughs and throws a balled napkin at him.

"Can we hang by the swing now?" Liam asks, widening his eyes and jutting out his bottom lip. "I finished my food." 

Zayn tries with every fibre of his being not to kiss him right there because that's just torture. Liam should never be allowed to use his puppy eyes on Zayn when they're alone. 

"You're basically a giant baby." Zayn fake groans, "but okay. I wanna see if those boys can still carry my weight."

"You aren't even that heavy." Liam deadpans.

"Once again, shut up, Liam." Zayn bumps their shoulders together as they walk to the swing set.

Liam runs for one of the swings and sits on it. He starts swinging his feet to get him to go higher as Zayn just stays put chilling.

"Malik, you act like you're the one who didn't bring me here." Liam says, swinging by Zayn at a high pace now. "C'mon, I'm going for a jump"

Zayn raises his eyebrows, "I'm not exactly the cheer leading type, Li." Also, he can't really concentrate because he's trying to word the things he's about to say to Liam properly before he tells Liam the truth.

Liam's swinging is suddenly brought to a halt. "Alright, let's make a deal. Whoever jumps further gets to request anything from the loser."

"I don't want to -"

"Ah, I see." Liam lifts his chin, "pegged your for a lot of things, Zayn. But never a coward." he smiles to show Zayn he's partially joking. Partially.

Zayn is so not falling for this. "Nope, I'm not doing this."

"Of course you aren't." Liam grins and starts swinging again. This time he's trying harder to go higher.

"Damn it." Zayn starts swinging as well. "Winner gets to request anything, right?"

Liam laughs, "Yes, absolutely anything. No reservations."

"Fine!" Zayn says loudly. "Do we jump at the same time?"

"Yeah!" Liam replies, "Tell me when you're ready because I am." he says smugly.

Zayn lifts his feet up higher to go higher. When he thinks he's ready, "Okay, I'm good"

"one," Liam starts, chuckling.

"two," Zayn continues.

"three" they both scream and jump landing so closely together laughing until tears came out of their eyes.

"I totally won." Liam says when they both calmed down, still lying on his back.

Zayn sits up, chuckling a bit, "No you didn't, I clearly won." he smiles, "look, my body is a bit above you. I won!" he laughs and rolls to his side a bit, making him hover over Liam.

Liam stares at him, "That's a shitty argument. The laughing made us move." he says weakly.

"No, I won." Zayn says, getting lost in Liam's eyes and then he moves to stare at his lips.

Zayn repeats the process, not the first time he's done this, but this time - this time he leans in. He leans in and  _finally. Finally_ kisses Liam. He closes his eyes as he feels Liam's lips on his again after so long. And he knows in his heart that he should pull away. But it's like something is keeping him there. Surprisingly, Liam kisses him back and Zayn revels in it. He deepens the kiss, shifting his body so the angle isn't that difficult. He slides his tongue on Liam's bottom lip asking for entry when he's being pushed away roughly. He opens his eyes to find Liam scrambling to get up and walking away from him quickly.

"Li, wait." Zayn hurriedly gets up and follows the other boy. "Liam, would you just, hold on a second." he finally catches up to the boy and grabs his arm, " _Liam._ "

"Zayn, no." Liam says quietly, looking at the ground, then the sky, never at Zayn. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come here with you. I shouldn't have done that. I, - that was wrong." he stammers. "I'm in a _relationship_ , Zayn."

Zayn shakes his head, "please, no, it was my fault. Don't - don't blame yourself." he grabs Liam's hand, "talk to me, look at me. Li, please."

Liam looks at him with tear filled eyes. " _I'm so sorry_."

"It's not your fault! It's mine!" Zayn says exasperated. Liam just shakes his head and starts to walk away from him again, which causes Zayn to panic and blurt out, " _we're married!_ "

Liam doesn't turn around but he does stop in his tracks. Zayn finds this as an opportunity to catch up to him and stand in front of the boy.

Zayn gulps and starts talking when Liam just stares at him. "We're married, I swear. It sounds crazy but we are. I was in 2020, and then I woke up back in 2010 and life is very different but there has to be a reason why I found you again, right? Please, listen to me." Zayn pleads while Liam's face looks freaked out.

"What the hell are you on about, Zayn?" Liam hisses, "are you drunk?"

" _I'm not_ " Zayn snaps, "Why would I lie about this?" he says thickly, "Liam, you have to believe me. I'm married to you, we have a kid, he's the sweetest four year old -"

Liam cuts him off, "I really don't have time for this, Zayn." he glares at the ground. "It was a really bad idea to be here.  and, uhh, sorry mate, but I don't even know you, you must've gotten me wrong for some other bloke."" he starts to walk away from Zayn again.

"You _felt_ something, I know you did." Zayn says still following Liam. " _You kissed me back_ , there has to be something there."

Liam stops walking and turns to Zayn. "I will not deny that, but I also know it's wrong because I have a boyfriend. _You knew that_."

"But you know that there's something between us, Liam." Zayn pleads, "feel it in your _heart_ , you feel something for me," he stabs Liam's chest with his finger at the word heart.

The younger boy looks at him blankly then looks up at the sky. "I think it would be the best for us to just stay away from each other from now on." Liam says quietly.

"Li, no. Come on, please."

"I'm really sorry, Zayn." Liam looks at him sadly.

"I know your favourite superhero is batman. I know your favourite colour is purple." Zayn starts, Liam raises his eyebrows at him looking confused. "I know you love your mum so much, you'd do anything for her. Making your dad proud has always been a goal of yours and even though he tells you that you already do, you still keep trying." He takes a deep breath before rambling. "You love linger by the cranberries as much as I do. You love the rain but only when you're at home because you think it's the best time to sleep in and do nothing. Your favourite season is autumn because even though it seems sad to others, you find the beauty in things that people find ordinary."

"Zayn -" Liam tries to cut him off but Zayn's having none of that.

"You used to play with your sisters, Ruth and Nicola, when you were younger, you used to join their tea parties and that's where you learned to bake a bit." he chuckles, "You love disney movies and you consider them tear jerkers compared to those chick flicks I like. You crinkle your nose when you're shy and you rub the back of your neck when you're nervous. You always sneeze in your elbow because you find it disgusting to sneeze on your hand then shake others' with it. You cross your fingers when you make a wish. You've always loved Oreos, you always choose the double stuffed one because you're crazy about the cream while I prefer it's cookie." Zayn sighs deeply, "you try your best to not judge people because you know how it feels to be judged for no reason when people used to pick on you as a kid. You vowed to never make other people feel that way."

Liam looks at him disbelievingly with tears in his eyes, "How - why do you know that?"

Zayn wipes at his cheeks because he's crying too. He grabs Liam's hands, "I'm telling the truth. _Please_ , you've got to believe me." Zayn brings their hans to his mouth and kisses Liam's knuckles, "I didn't appreciate you enough when I had you. Please give me another chance."

Liam stares at him. Zayn can tell he's confused and if given the chance he'd kiss those worry lines on Liam's forehead away. He'd hold him until he wasn't confused anymore. He'd do anything to have Liam again.

"I'm sorry, Zayn." Liam says after a while of silence. "I gotta go." he turns around, Zayn shakes his head and plasters himself behind Liam's back. " _Zayn, please_."

"Liam" Zayn sighs out, tears running down his cheeks as he speaks.

Liam grabs Zayn's hands from around him and forces him out of Zayn's grip a bit roughly. " _I have to go_." Once he's out of Zayn's grasp, he shakes his head and runs away, away from Zayn.

Zayn stares at Liam's figure until he's out of his sight. He lets out a self-deprecating laugh. He looks to the sky, "I love my life." he says sarcastically. Zayn goes back to the sandbox he and Liam laid on earlier and stares at the stars. Tears still run down his cheeks from time to time but right now Zayn actually feels nothing. He feels hollow. All this time he thinks that he was struggling with someone else trying to keep a piece of him in his life and now he knows he lost. It's been ripped from him officially and he feels numb. He feels the weight of the day wash over him and his eyes start to droop. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any mistakes are mine. This isn't really the happy part yet, but it's a start? lol  
> Happy Holidays!

Zayn wakes up to someone nudging his feet. He squints his eyes at the bright light above him realizing after a second that it’s the sun and the person nudging him is the park cleaner and she is not amused.

“Sir, I’m afraid you’re gonna have to sleep somewhere else.” She says sternly.

Zayn sits up and nods his head, boy, his body aches and he’s pretty damn sure it isn’t even seven am yet. “Of course, I’m sorry. I’ll leave.” he says softly.

She seems to feel the sadness radiating off of Zayn and gives him a slight smile, “If you’re hungry, sir, that diner over there, Angiela’s” she points to a small diner at one corner of the park, “serves the best cheese omelets and pancakes ever. At least to turn your morning a bit better than waking up in some old park” she snorts.

“I’m fine, thank you.” Zayn replies. He’s not really in the mood to eat. “Really sorry I ended up here. Must’ve dosed off last night.”

She salutes him, “So long as it doesn’t happen again. Have a good day.” She then walks away.

Zayn dusts his jeans and shirt since sand is all over him after his sandbox slumber. He pulls out his phone and sees that he has fifteen missed calls and seven messages. All a mix from Niall, Harry and Louis. 

_mate, it’s late, u comin home 2nyt?_

_Liam came home upset. Last time I checked, he was with you. What happened?_

_Harry called me, he’s pissed Liam’s not talking to him. Said he was with you before he went home. Something you know about? Let me know._

_WAIT YOU GUYS KISSED? WTF ZAYN_

_Zayn Malik, answer my damn call_

_i’m not judging you, mate. Not forcing u to come home yet, but pls let me know ur safe wen u can_

_ANSWER MY CALL YOU SHIT ME AND NIALL ARE WORRIED_

Zayn sighs and pockets his phone after sending a text to Niall saying he’s on his way home. He’ll explain when he gets there. It’s gonna be a long day. He decides to walk along the way, at least he can have a moment of peace and silence before he’s going to be bombarded with questions and accusations later. Along the way, he crosses paths with a man and a little boy who Zayn assumes is his son.

“But why isn’t mummy with us?” the little boy whines to his father.

“Mum’s got work today, bud.” The man bends down to the boy’s level. “But she’ll make it to dinner later, I promise.”

The boy pouts, “that’s what you said last time.”

The man sighs, “I know, baby, but you know that me and mummy have to work hard for our family, right?”

“I guess so.” The boy looks down, then he lifts his face in a wide grin, “I love you, daddy.”

“Love you too, buddy.”

Zayn couldn’t help but stare. He knows it’s probably rude to listen to conversations that don’t include him, but this hit home. This hit him in places where he should have been before. At first, he gets defensive and thinks, the little boy is older than Jamil, that’s why he’s more inquisitive. But you know one of those figurative slaps life gives you? That’s what this conversation as to Zayn.

“They’re only young for quite a short time, you know”

Zayn startles as he finds the man in front of him and smiling at him. He shakes his head, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.” 

The man shakes his head dismissively, “no worries.” He looks away from Zayn to his son who’s on the phone playing a game. “sometime, you gotta treasure moments like these because they could be gone in just a snap.” He snaps his fingers for emphasis.

“I know.” Zayn says quietly, “I’ll go ahead, have a good day.”

The older man looks at him with a wistful glint in his eyes, “whatever you’re going through, son. It’ll get better.”

Zayn nods his head shakily and walks away. As he gets home, the moment he closes the door to their flat Niall is on him, wrapping his wiry arms around Zayn’s shoulders.

“Zayn Javaad Malik, never ever ever ever do that to me again.” Niall squeezes after ever “ever” which is less than comfortable but Zayn knows he’s worried Niall enough so he takes it.

“I’m sorry.” Zayn says, “I should’ve let you know where I was, didn’t mean to fall asleep at the park.”

Niall pulls back, eyes widening, “you slept at a park?”

Zayn shrugs, “Ehh, I lost track of time.”

“And you’re not gonna tell me about what happened with you and Liam?” Niall raises his eyebrows at him.

“I-,” Zayn deflates. “I kissed him.” He says quietly. “I kissed him, he kissed me back and regretted it. I told him everything and he didn’t believe me.”

 Niall stares at him, “he kissed you back?”

Zayn laughs deprecatingly, “maybe he was caught up in the moment. I don’t know.” He stops laughing and looks down at his hands. “I guess, I’m just done, you know? I think I’ve ruined his life enough. “

“Zayn – “ 

“No, Niall.” Zayn dismisses any type of defense Niall was about to give him. “I knew he was in a relationship and I tried to push myself to him anyway. Life was giving him another chance to be happy and here I am, claiming to love him, but crushing that chance in the process.”

“I have told him my part, I have apologized for what I did to him and our family in our life before all this.” he sighs, “If I really love him, I’d let him move on.” His voice cracks all over but he is not going to cry anymore. He’s made his decision, he won’t ruin Liam’s life more than he already has. 

And the worst thing? The worst part is Zayn knows he’s right. Which is why it hurts so much seeing Niall nod and agree with him because it makes it all the more true. All the more true, that he has to let Liam go.

He’s wrapped up in the arms of the Irish boy again, “I love you, Z.” he ruffles Zayn;s hair, “we’ll get through this together.”

 

-

“ _You piece of shit_. You _fucking_ little–“

 “ _Louis_ ” Niall hisses. “That is not the type of words to say entering our home.”

 Louis flips Niall off and throws himself at the couch beside Zayn. “ _You_ ” he says with accusingly, and points at Zayn, “have some explaining to do.” 

“Louis,” Zayn starts.

“What part of , ' _you better not ruin a relationship_ ' did you not understand?” Louis cuts him off. “I’ve known you for a short time Zayn, but _I know you’re not stupid_ , so what the fuck, Z?” 

“If you let me explain before judging me” Zayn starts again, “You’d understand more.”

“I don’t get what else there is to understand except you kissing Liam. But _fine_ , humour me,” Louis crosses his arms and lifts his chin. He looks at Zayn expectantly.

Zayn rolls his eyes, “I was caught up in the moment.” He hears Louis scoff, “will you let me finish before you be a judgmental prick about this?” he exclaims. “Don’t you think I know how much of a bad person I already am? Don’t you think I know how much I probably hurt him in the process, thinking that maybe I could fix that?” he gets up and looks at both Niall and Louis. “I know, okay? I know how much of an asshole I am. I know how selfish I am.” He slams his hand in his heart and turns to Louis, “And I don’t need your critiques and judgments because I already know!”

“And you know what’s worse? I can’t regret it. I just, can’t.” he says quietly. “Because if ever that was my last moment with Liam than at least I got to apologize, at least I got to tell him how much I regret every damn thing I did because, _fuck_ , it hurts so much to be without him.” He flops on the couch, “With my whole heart, I know it was wrong. And I don’t need you to tell me that, Louis.”

Louis squints his eyes at him, then his face crumples. "I'm sorry. I just hate that it had to be this way, yeah?" he sighs and opens his arms out to Zayn who immediately wraps him in a hug. "Can't you just go back to your original life already where I can insult you without feeling guilty?"

Zayn laughs a bit at that. "I wish the same thing every morning I wake up, Lou." Louis smiles at him sadly, about to respond when someone knocks on their door.

"I'll get it." Niall says, standing up.

Louis looks at Zayn questioningly, "You guys expecting another person to drill you?"

Zayn shrugs, "Must be the pizza Niall ordered."

"You ordered pizza?" Louis deadpans. "You expected I'd forgive you immediately? Oh my god, you guys think too high of me."

"Shut up" Zayn pushes at Louis' shoulders, "Niall said that whether we'd be okay he needed pizza to deal with all this shit."

"Typical." Louis mutters and they both laugh.

Niall walks in and the pair look up to see the Irish boy looking a bit pale and awkward. This makes Zayn nervous so he gets up to ask who was at the door when a familiar face walks in smiling. 

"Hey guys" 

It was Steven.

-

Zayn stares at the boy talking so casually with the three of them. He’s smiling, so Zayn guesses he doesn’t know about the Liam incident. Does he? Is he plotting his revenge by being here? Is he checking to find Zayn’s vulnerability and bite him where he least expects it? 

“-Zayn?” 

Zayn is shook out of his thoughts. “Huh?” 

Steven smiles at him, “Always dosing off, huh?” he laughs, “Liam did say you loved your sleep.” 

Zayn laughs, hoping it doesn’t sound too fake. “Sorry, you were saying?” 

“Steven was saying how his and Liam’s 3rd anniversary is next week and he’s asking for plan suggestions” Louis says too cheerfully to be real. But Steven seems to buy it as he’s nodding along to Louis’ words.

Niall speaks up for the first time ever since Steven started talking, “Shouldn’t you be asking Harry, though? We’ve only really just met Liam.”

Steven shakes his head, “I’ve known Harry long enough to know that he wouldn’t be able to keep a secret. I kinda want it to be a surprise.”

“Well, obviously, I’m closest to Liam” Louis says, “you don’t really need these two.” He gestures to Niall and Zayn.

Niall pretends to be offended, “I beg to disagree, Liam loves me.”

“Oh please, if he wasn’t with Steven and I was single and in to guys, Liam would jump me” Louis counters and Zayn actually slaps his back at that.

Steven laughs, “This conversation should make me uncomfortable” he says, “but it’s fine. I know you all love banter.”

“That is true.” Louis says, “And besides, Liam couldn’t handle me anyway.” He rolls his eyes.

“What about you?” Steven says curiously, turning to Zayn.

“Me?” Zayn squeaks. “Me and Liam? Uh, Liam and I? Psh, no.” he stutters out. What the fuck.

Steven looks at him weirdly, “he said he got on with you the quickest though. Said you had a lot of things in common.”

“I am going to have a word with your boyfriend about that” Niall says, trying to keep it light.

“Good luck with that.” Steven replies, “But seriously, Zayn, hasn’t he mentioned anything?”

“He hasn’t.” Zayn says honestly because he really hasn’t. He always talked about hoe happy he was with Steven and that he couldn’t ask for more. “He’s pretty happy with you already, mate.” Zayn swallows.

Steven blushes, “I am too, very.” He smiles, “the happiest.”

Louis looks at Zayn knowingly and then makes wreching noises. “Cheesy shit.”

Niall laughs loudly, “yeah, TMI, mate.”

“Sorry, can’t help myself when it comes to that one.” Steven says sincerely.

“You really love him, don’t you?” Zayn blurts.

Steven looks surprised, “Very much so, Zayn” he raises his eyebrows, “did you have doubts when you met me?

Zayn shakes his head, “No, no. Don’t get me wrong.” He fakes a smile, “It’s just really awesome to see that Liam has someone who loves him as much as you do.”

“Thank you. Which is why I need all your help to prove it to him.” Steven grins.

“Where is he, by the way?” Niall asks.

Steven shrugs, “I couldn’t let him know I was here without him getting curious about why.” He explains, “but he texted me a few hours ago saying he had to finish some projects and needed no distractions.”

“I bet.” Louis mumbles. Zayn elbows him.

“What?” Steven asks.

“It’s just typical Liam to get himself lost in work” Zayn nervously laughs.

“That is true” Steven laughs. “So, you guys really can’t help me?”

Louis shakes his head, “sorry mate.”

“If only I were sappy, I could but I’m really not.” Niall shrugs.

“Zayn?” Steven asks and he looks so hopeful that Zayn feels guilty.

“You could, um -, you could always try surprising him with a gift” Zayn starts.

Louis snorts, “Wow, Zayn. At least me and Niall didn’t even try.”

“No, I mean, a gift that he would love. What does Liam love?” Zayn probes, “Like, if he loves photography, right? He’d probably like a compilation of all your pictures spanning the three years you’ve been together.”

Steven practically lights up. “That’s actually a great idea! I have loads of pictures from all of our adventures!” he grabs his wallet, and pulls out a photo and shows it to Zayn. “This is the first one we have, we weren’t even together then but I knew he was special already.”

Zayn smiles a bit, “Good, at least you now know where to start.”

He’s not prepared to be wrapped up in a tight hug from unfamiliar arms. “Thank you, Zayn.” Steven pulls away, “I owe you.”

“Sure.” Zayn says softly. “Like I said, take care of our Liam, yeah?” he tries to joke as voice breaks which notifies Louis and Niall.

“Alright!” Louis exclaims, “you need anything else, Steven?”

“Actually, I think I need to look for our old pictures.” Steven smiles, “Thanks for everything, guys. Really. I’ll update you with how everything goes.”

Niall pats him in the back, “you do that” he says, “we’ll be ready.”

Steven salutes them, getting ready to leave. “great, see you guys soon?”

The three boys all hum in agreement as Steven sees his way out of the flat.

Once the door closes, there is an eerie silence blanketed in the living room. It’s as if you can hear a pin drop from the heaviness of it. Of course, Louis is the one to break it.

“You okay?” Louis turns to Zayn.

Zayn nods slowly. “I will be. I just gotta deal with this.”

Niall moves closer to Zayn on the couch and wraps him in a hug. “We’ll get through this together Zayn.” Zayn leans his head on Niall’s shoulder.

Louis looks at them fondly then makes a face, “now, where the fuck is that pizza you ordered, Horan?”

-

Zayn’s not moping. He’s really not. Louis and Niall have classes and he decided to skip his last class because he’s feeling under the weather. He has a valid reason. He’ll catch up.

Right now, he is currently on the couch watching 17 again. Figures. It was what was on and he didn’t bother changing the channel. He was eating from a whole pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream and if that isn’t the perfect image of sadness, he doesn’t know what is. He was about to heat up some of the left over pizza from earlier when Zac Efron’s close up was on the TV.

_“…because I knew that no matter what happened, from that day on, nothing can ever be that bad... because I had you. And then I, uh... I grew up and I lost my way. And I blamed you for my failures. And I know that you think you have to do this today... but I don't want you to. But I guess... if I love you, I should let you move on.”_

Zayn feels his eyes water, but he’s not going to cry anymore. He knows what he has to do. He can’t believe he needed Zac Efron to show him that. Well, technically, it wasn’t Zac, because he already knew what he had to do when he realized that he wasn’t going back to his old life. It’s what he’s been trying to do all this time since then, but he never got to do it, and it’s only made things worse.

This time, this time – he won’t be selfish. This time, he’ll let him move on.

He turns the TV off and fixes himself up before grabbing his wallet and keys and heading to a familiar building.

Zayn walks up to the building and hurries to the lift. He’s high on adrenaline now and he will not let fear take over. All he needs is a few minutes. Please, let him have a few minutes.

He knocks on a familiar door frantically, hoping that it’s Liam who will answer. It’s not.

“Zayn?” Harry says, not opening the door all the way, “What are you doing here?” he snaps.

Zayn rubs the back of his neck, “Harry, please.”

“Please what? Let you mess with my mate’s head again?” Harry hisses and steps outside of the flat and closes the door. “Time travelling? Really Zayn?”

“Look, Harry – “

“No. I’m not letting you see him.” Harry crosses his arms. “You’ve confused him enough, you’ve hurt him enough.”

“Harry, All I need is a few minutes. Just a few, I swear, then you can erase me out of your lives.” Zayn pleads, “please.”

Harry opens his mouth to answer when the door to their flat opens revealing a confused Liam. “Harry? Zayn? What’s going on?” he squeaks out, voice a pitch higher than normal.

“Liam –“

“Zayn was just leaving, Li.” Harry cuts him off. “Nothing to see here.” He gives Zayn a look that dares him to disagree.

Zayn couldn’t give a fuck. “Liam,” he starts, “I need to talk to you.” He approaches the boy who steps back a bit. “Please, just a few minutes.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Zayn, I –“

“A few minutes and you can forget everything about me. I’ll leave you alone forever if you wanted, just give me a few minutes.” Zayn rushes out, “ _please_.”

Liam gives him a long look while Harry just glares at him.

“Okay.” Liam says quietly, “just a few minutes?”

“You don’t have to do this, Li.” Harry says.

Zayn nods his head, “just a few minutes, and I’ll be out of here, out of your lives.”

Liam shrugs at Harry. “I’ll be back.”

Harry huffs, “fine, no funny business, Zayn.” With that he goes back inside the flat, leaving Zayn and Lima in the hallway.

“He hates me.” Zayn deadpans.

Liam’s lips quirk up a bit, “just protective.” He puts his hands in his pockets and looks Zayn in the eye, “talk then?”

Zayn shakes his head, “Doesn’t your building have a rooftop?” Liam nods. “Okay, let’s go.” Zayn says, heading for the lift with Liam following behind.

Zayn approaches the railings of the rooftop. Looking out in the city. He can feel Liam's eyes on him, he doesn't look away from the view though.

"You only have a few minutes." Liam says, not looking at Zayn but at the view as well.

"I know," Zayn replies, looking at Liam now. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry." 

"I'm sorry for ever dragging you into this mess." Zayn sighs, "your life was already great and I just had to come in and confuse you and cause you pain. I never ever wanted that." he looks at Liam who's still not looking at him. "I thought, maybe, being here again would give me the chance to be better for you. Instead, I made thing worse." he chuckles sadly. "Believe it or not what pushed me to do this right now is Zac Efron, I was watching 17 again before coming here." he does laugh a bit at that. 

Liam looks at him with a small smile, "was it because he was fit?"

Zayn grins, "maybe a bit." he chuckles, "but mainly, it showed me that although this seems like a movie right now, being back here talking to eighteen year old you, he had a point."

"And that is?"

"Loving someone doesn't always mean you'll be with them again." Zayn says, "sometimes, it means letting that person move on to be happy." he looks at Liam in the eyes, "even if their happiness doesn't include you anymore."

Liam stares at him, "I believe you, you know." he looks down at his feet, "but I don't feel it, I just, I can't - I'm sorr-"

"Hey, hey." Zayn coos, "I'm not asking you to love me back. I know you love him. Don't apologise for that."

"Then why do I feel guilty?" Liam looks up at Zayn with tired eyes. "I don't get it."

"That's just who you are." Zayn wipes at his eyes, "you're too amazing for this world. too amazing for me."

"Zayn-"

"No, you see, I understand now." Zayn cuts him off, "Li, you're given a chance to be as happy as you deserve now. I'm not getting in between that. Okay?" he says firmly. "Now listen to me, Liam James, you will not feel guilty about loving someone else. Okay? Whatever I feel, is my problem." Zayn inches closer to Liam and grabs his hand, "Do me a favour and promise me that you'll be happy?"

Liam nods but Zayn shakes his head, "promise me."

"Promise." Liam whispers.

"And whenever you feel like you're not happy anymore," Zayn breathes, "never settle for anything less, yeah?"

"Okay." Liam wraps him in a hug and hides his face in Zayn's neck. "I'm sorry."

Zayn laughs watery and hugs him back. "I love you." and with that he pulls away and runs to the rooftop's exit when a pair of arms wrap around his waist.

"Thank you." Liam says softly.

The older boy spins around and ruffles Liam's hair. He caresses his cheek, wiping away a tear that rolled down. Zayn gives Liam one last smile and heads for the lift, leaves the building and heads home. 

Zayn arrives at his flat still a bit sad but he feels like a heavy weight is taken from his chest. Maybe he can move on too. Although he can't ever imagine a future that isn't with Liam, he never imagined going back in time either but look where he is now. Liam's going to be happy, and he couldn't ask for more.

He heads for his room before Niall or maybe even Louis might see him and treat him with kid gloves. No, he doesn't need that right now. What he needs is a lot of sleep and maybe some food later. But for now, sleep will do. And for the first time in a long time, he sleeps dreamlessly.

-

He doesn't know how many hours he's slept, but when he does wake up, he feels much better. Like he didn't cry a lot for the past twenty four hours. Huh. That's unusual, but he isn't complaining. Maybe accepting what life throws at you does make you healthier. Without opening his eyes, Zayn rolls over carefully since he fell from the bed too many times this month with his overly done roll overs. 

Zayn rubs his eyes and sits up, what he sees when his eyes open shocks him, because it's not his room he's woken up to for the past few weeks. His room didn't have the king sized bed Zayn was in right now. His room didn't have a large bookshelf in the corner. It didn't have a study table by the window. It didn't have a TV at the end of the bed.

This was his room before all of this happened. He quickly assesses his bedside table and finds a familiar picture, that makes his eyes water. It was a wedding picture. 

He's back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is where it all ends!! Thank you to everyone who stuck by this story. I wrote this with a mind that didn't believe I could ever finish a fic, mainly because I didn't think I wrote all that well but seeing you all comment and say all the nice things you've said in the comments made me so happy. Thank you all so much and I hope you enjoyed reading it as I enjoyed writing it. I know this wasn't perfect and you stood by it anyway. I think I went overboard with the happy moments in this but I think we've all earned it after all the sad, right? And I'm sorry if it's too short. Again, I am still a learning writer, and I hope to be better. Thank you all so much again! 
> 
> Hope y'all have a great 2017 ahead.
> 
> Any mistakes are mine x

Zayn stumbles out of the bed frantically. Dropping the duvet on the floor but he doesn’t even give it a second glance because his heart is hammering in his chest, he needs to see if Liam and Jamil is here because who knows what life has in store again.

He runs down the stairs faster than he ever has before and runs to the kitchen. When he gets there, he sees a figure that he hasn’t seen for too long. Maybe not too long, but it sure feels like it has been. Liam is focused on cooking whatever he is that he is cooking that he doesn’t notice Zayn walk closer.

Zayn’s heart is beating so fast in his chest he feels like it would burst any second. He tries to keep the tears at bay and covers his mouth to hold back a whimper and yet a soft sound comes out and alerts Liam anyway.

Liam turns to him and Zayn can see that he is exactly in the day after he and Liam fought. Liam has dark circles under his beautiful but tired eyes. He looks at Zayn bemusedly and raises his eyebrows.

“Is something wro-“ Liam starts but Zayn cuts him off by throwing himself at the other man, hugging him the tightest he has ever and tucks his face in the crook of Liams’ neck. Zayn just cries, out of relief, sadness, happiness. He just lets the tears spill out of his eyes as he tries to control his hiccups from all the motion coming out of him. It’s pretty embarrassing, considering that Liam has no idea why.

Liam pulls away from him which causes Zayn to whimper out a protest but then Liam speaks. “Baby, what’s wrong?” he looks at Zayn with concerned eyes, running his hands up and down his shoulders because he knows Zayn needs physical contact right now.

Zayn’s heart goes a thousand time quicker at the endearment. “I’m so sorry.” he sobs out. “Li – I’m sorry we’ve been fighting a lot, I’m sorry I’m such a shit husband, a shit father, for crying out loud” he cries, “Liam, I don’t regret anything, I don’t regret meeting you, I don’t regret marrying you, I don’t –“

Liam cuts him off by wrapping his arms around him in a tight hug. “Shhhhh, Zayn, hey,” he pulls away a bit to lift Zayn’s chin and looks him in those tear filled eyes, “I’m sorry too, yeah?” Zayn shakes his head but Liam interrupts, “No, I had my faults as well. babe, I’m supposed to help you, yeah? We’re a team and I added to your stress. I’m sorry, please don’t cry.”

This conversation only makes Zayn even more emotional so he does what he’s been wanting to do for so long, he cups Liam’s face. He drags his thumb across his cheeks, looks straight into those eyes he’s madly in love with which are not filled with unshed tears, and leans in to kiss his husband.

God. It’s amazing. Zayn feels so much relief as he feels these lips again after what felt like so long. Liam’s lips are just as soft as he remembered, he tastes the same, just like that tea he loves to make with a hint of honey and cream. Zayn draws the kiss longer, deeper, he has missed this so much and almost lived the idea of never getting this again. He whimpers into the kiss as Liam bites his bottom lip, turning the kiss into something more desperate. He wraps his arms around Zayn’s waist and pulls him impossibly closer as Zayn moves one of his hands from Liam’s cheek to the back of his neck and the other to Liam’s hair, tugging gently.

The other boy moans a bit as he moves his lips to Zayn’s jaw, leaving open mouthed kisses trailing down his neck. Zayn throws his had back a bit to give Liam more access when he hears a small whimper that didn’t come from the pair. Liam quickly pulls away to Zayn’s disappointment.

That disappointment turns into unfathomable joy when he sees where that sound came from, and now he understands why Liam pulled away so quickly. His eyes land on a small body, hair a right mess, sporting an obviously “just woke up” look, the little boy rubbed his eyes with one hand while looking confused at the silence. Jamil. His son. Zayn gasps a bit before running to the boy and engulfing him in a hug, lifting him up in his arms. He peppers Jamil’s face with kisses all over eliciting whines of protests from the boy.

“Baba, stop” Jamil groans but giggles when Zayn blows raspberries in his neck. He pushes Zayn’s face away, “Baba”

Zayn laughs wetly, “Beta,” he sniffs. “I missed you, mera pyaar.” He runs his fingers through his son’s hair pushing it back and placing a long kiss on the boy’s forehead.

Jamil looks at him confused. “Are you alright, baba?” Small hands wipe away the tears steadily flowing from Zayn’s eyes. “Did you and daddy fight again?” he asks sadly.

Zayn’s eyes widen at the question and he shakes his head. “No, beta. I just missed you, that’s all.” He looks at Liam who is behind them, “I love daddy very much, bub. And I love you.”

“I love daddy too.” Jamil smiles at him. “And I love you, baba.” The little boy pecks Zayn’s lips and pushes at his shoulders a bit. “Can I be down? I’m gonna be late for school”

Zayn giggles, “I’m sorry, babe.” He puts Jamil down, “you go get ready, okay?”

Jamil rolls his eyes, “yes, baba.” Instead of going upstairs to get ready he heads to Liam. “Good morning, daddy.” He raises his arms at Liam for a hug, which Liam happily falls into, kissing the boy’s cheek.

“Good morning, sweetheart. Need help getting ready?”

Jamil scoffs, “no daddy. I’m a big boy now.” And with that he pulls away from Liam and runs upstairs.

“Careful, Jamil!” Liam calls out only to have a long “okay” in response.

Zayn looks at Liam whose body has tensed and has a closed off expression in his face. Any moment they’ve shared before Jamil came in disappeared.

“Li,” Zayn starts. “What are you thinking about?”

Liam smiles at him but it’s clearly put on, “Our son’s a bit too smart for a four year old.” He says quietly. “Guess he’s noticed that we’ve been fighting.”

Zayn shakes his head, “Jaan, I’m so sorry.” He steps into Liam’s space and cups his husband’s cheeks. “Babe, can we talk? Please? I – we need to.” He looks at Liam in the eyes, “I love you.”

“Okay.” Liam says softly, “after I send Jamil to shool. I’ll let the people at the office know I won’t be coming in today. ‘s that okay?”

“Yes.” Zayn guves him a hopeful smile, “you didn’t say it back?” he mumbles.

Liam chuckles a bit, “I love you too.” He smiles at Zayn softly before heading upstairs to get ready to send Jamil to school.

-

“I’ll see you later, Baba!” Jamil calls, grabbing his lunchbox that Zayn prepared from the counter, then running to the door.

“Hey! Where’s my kiss goodbye?” Zayn follows him, pouting.

Jamil giggles rolling his eyes then puckering his lips at Zayn, “here”

Zayn laughs giving the boy a peck on the lips. “Be good in school.”

“I’m always good, baba. Bye.”

“I know you are, beta. Take care.” Zayn waves and turns to Liam behind them. “I’ll just, um, wait here.” He stutters out.

Liam smiles at him, “I’ll be right back.” He says then walks out the door following Jamil to the car.

With Zayn left alone with his thoughts he sits on the couch and thinks of all the good times he shared with Liam. When they met, Zayn already feeling that Liam was gonna be important to him at first glance, when both started dating, when they both had sex for the first time together and way more after that, when Liam proposed to which Zayn just screamed yes probably a million times until his family had to control him. When they got married and both of them just couldn’t wait to say I do. When they thought of having kids, and to when they finally had Jamil.

Zayn basically almost lost all of that. And he never wants to think of never having this again. He’s going to fix this with Liam. He’s not losing this any time soon. It took him something really painful to realize that.

The front door opens revealing Liam who is holding a plastic bag. He smiles when he sees Zayn. “Brought ice cream” he lifts the bag to let Zayn see.

Zayn smiles at him, and pats the couch, “Come here.”

Liam approaches him and flops on the couch, taking out the ice cream and gving Zayn a plastic spoon. He opens the lid before turning to Zayn, “I really am sorry, for everything lately.”

“Liam, wait.” Zayn holds out his hand to stop Liam from speaking. “Can I speak? I really just want to explain.” Liam nods.

“I had this crazy dream,” he decides to say. “I, um – I went back in time? To 2010?” Zayn says and Liam looks at him confusedly but stays quiet so Zayn takes it as a sign to carry on. “And I didn’t meet you.” He says sadly, “well, not in the way I did now.”

Zayn takes a deep breath, “I woke up to the day after Niall’s birthday party, and I didn’t meet you.” he looks down at his hands, he doesn’t know how to cut to the chase, he’s scared that he would ruin things further. So he decides to tell the whole story, even though it isn’t important. “I was only left with Niall, and then I met Harry, then Louis, then he had a girlfriend!” he exclaimed, “and you weren’t even studying engineering and -“

Liam raises his hand which cuts Zayn off, “What?”

Zayn lets out a long sigh. He’s stalling, and Liam knows that. As usual, Liam knows Zayn better than Zayn knows himself. “I basically had a dream and it was about my life if I didn’t meet you, at least – not in time.”

“And? It was just a dream, babe.”

Liam gives him an unsure smile and Zayn tries not to melt at the endearment. He shakes his head and moves closer to Liam, leaning his head on his husband’s shoulder, “I thought I lost you.” He croaks, “it seemed so real, Li.” Zayn throws caution in the wind and wraps his arms around Liam, hides his face in Liam’s chest. “And recently we’ve been fighting and I – just, I had a glimpse of what life would be like without you, without Jamil.”

“I don’t want to be without you, ever.” Zayn cries, Liam tightens his hold on Zayn that makes him grateful.

“I’m right here, love.” Liam says softly, he pulls Zayn away from his chest and lifts his chin with his finger, “I’m not going anywhere. Me and Jamil, it’s the three of us forever, babe.” He pecks Zayn quickly, “no matter how difficult it gets sometimes. I wouldn’t spend my life with anyone else.”

Zayn lets out a sob and nods. “Me too. I – never, never with anyone else, Liam.”

Liam kisses him. Properly this time. It’s one of those kisses that people share when they’ve been away from each other for so long, all that pent up passion and emotion oozing from each other and radiating in that kiss. Zayn never wants to pull away but he knows they have to decide on what to do. One heart to heart talk and kisses, maybe sex even, won’t fix what they have before all of this happened. So against his will, he pulls away.

“We need to talk about this, Li.” Zayn says, voice shy. “I don’t want to be okay today then screaming at you again tomorrow.”

Liam nods, “you’re right.” He grins, “I just love you, that’s all.”

Zayn smiles stupidly, “I love you too.” He takes Liam’s hand and twines them together, “now, let’s talk, the quicker we finish this, the quicker we” he stops and wiggles his eyebrows at Liam, “we get to the best stuff.”

His husband lets out a belly laugh. “Don’t tease me when we’re about to have a proper talk about family.”

“Sorry” Zayn giggles. But he knows they should really be serious about this so he says, “Can you tell me what’s on your head, babe?”

Liam stiffens a bit but relaxes when Zayn rubs his hand with his thumb. “I just – I understand why you’re working hard, I am too. And I get that you want us to be comfortable especially with Jamil, but” he stops talking and looks up to the ceiling. Zayn notices the tears brimming in his eyes and his heart breaks for Liam so much. “but I miss you.”

“I miss waking up next to you, because you leave even before I wake up. I miss you during dinner time because you come home when the food’s basically as cold as our relationship.” Liam sighs, “I miss you during Jamil’s funny moments because I want to share those with you. I miss laughing at how smart and curious our son is with you.” He looks at Zayn sadly, “I don’t want you to feel guilty for making us comfortable as a family. But I miss you, babe.”

Liam tightens their tangled hands, “I hate fighting with you. But combine frustration, stress at work and missing you, it results into anger. And I’m sorry, babe. Instead of talking to you properly about it, I shut you out.”

Zayn wipes at Liam’s cheeks where streams of tears have rolled down. “Shhh. _Mera pyaar_ , I’m sorry too.” Zayn kisses Liam’s hand. “I’m sorry that instead of talking about it with you, I get defensive and speak as if I’m the only one working.”

“I miss you and Jamil too. I miss spending time with the both of you. I love you both so much and I’m sorry that along the way of trying to reach for my dreams for all of us, I almost lost you along the way.” Zayn looks at Liam in the eyes and cups his cheek, “I promise to be better, yeah? Promise to work only during proper work hours.”

“We can go back to our old routine where we alternate between who sends Jamil to school and we’ll all have dinner together.”

“And whenever I fall back into forgetting what matters most please remind me. Okay?” Zayn laughs wetly, “Heaven knows I need you to remind me all the time, love.”

Liam nods and covers Zayn’s hands with his, “I forgive you. I love you.”

Zayn grins, “I forgive you too. And I love you.” He closes the gap between him and Liam and kisses his husband. Everything’s going to be alright.

\--

“Honey, I’m home!” Zayn calls out as he closes the door of their home. “Liam? Jamil?” When he doesn’t get an answer he walks to the dining room and finds no one there. Confused he goes upstairs and checks their bedroom. Jackpot, he finds his husband and his son on the bed, both snoring softly, Liam still in his work clothes while Jamil in his school uniform.

He smiles at his family and heads downstairs to the kitchen. He decides to prepare dinner for them. It’s been a while since all of them had dinner together.

Zayn checks their fridge cupboards and prepares everything he needs to make his special spicy fried chicken. It’s his and Jamil’s favourite while Liam pretends he can take the heat and chooses a milder spice. Because of this, Zayn decides to make a different set of the dish with lesser spices. He doesn’t remember the last time he’s cooked for his family but being sad about that truth won’t help him so he decides to push those thoughts aside and prepare the food.  
“Baba?” a sleepy voice startles Zayn as he cuts the spices, he turns to the voice and finds Jamil looking at him confusedly.

“You’re home early!” Jamil exclaims with a wide grin.

Zayn puts down his knife and goes to give his son a hug. “I am, bub. And from now on, I will always be here for dinner. If not, I’ll let you and daddy know.”

Jamil claps his hands then looks at the counter, “what are you making? Can I help?”

“Of course you can, let’s surprise daddy with fried chicken?” Zayn lifts his fist for a fist bump but Jamil pouts. “What’s wrong?”

“Daddy gets all red and coughs a lot when we make the chicken too ‘picy, Baba.” Jamil says as stern as he can with his baby voice.

Zayn chuckles, “we’ll make a less spicy batch for him, what do you say?”

Jamil grins wide and kisses his cheek, “okay baba! Let’s make ‘picy chicken now!”

The pair work together as they make their simple but sentimental dinner, the fried chicken and some potato wedges for their side. It’s not much, nothing extravagant but they all love it, and that’s what matters. Zayn does the cutting and the cooking while Jamil does the mixing and the easier things. Zayn keeps worrying to much since Jamil is stood on his little booster so he can reach the counter only to get a “I can do it baba” and “Daddy always makes me do this” in response. He shakes his head fondly; his son is growing up too fast.

“Baba? Can I ask you a question?” Jamil inquires from the counter away from the stove since Zayn wasn’t too comfortable with him beside Zayn as he cooks.

“Sure, something the matter?” Zayn asks, not looking at Jamil, focused on not burning the chicken. Jamil mumbles something that he doesn’t understand, “Can you repeat that, Jamil?”

“You and daddy love each other, right?”

The question takes Zayn aback. Luckily, the chicken is cooked, he turns off the stove and he is transfers the pieces into the plate then turns to Jamil. “Yes, J, we do. Is – is something wrong?”

Jamil looks up at him with wide eyes. “But you guys fight a lot and Jeanna says that when her parents fought a lot it was because because they didn’t love each other anymore” and then very quietly he says, “and now she doesn’t live with her daddy.” His voice breaks and Zayn feels like the worst parent. “Baba, I want to live with you and daddy.”

Zayn goes to Jamil and immediately wraps him in a hug. The little boy hugs him back tightly and hides his face in Zayn’s chest.

“Baby, hey,” Zayn pulls Jamil’s face away from his chest to find tear streaked cheeks and red eyes that breaks Zayn’s heart. Of all the pains he had to go through, this has to be the worst. “Your daddy and I love each other very much. Yeah? We fought a lot recently because we were being dummies, but we are not breaking up, my love.”

Jamil nods his head, “You never will, right baba?” he tightens his hold on Zayn like he needs Zayn to assure him.

“Yes, sir. I _promise_ you, Jamil Malik, me and your daddy have talked and we promised not to make you sad anymore.” Zayn says kissing his son’s forehead. “I am so sorry we worried you, babe.”

“It’s okay, baba. So long as you don’t fight anymore.” Jamil looks at Zayn sternly. “Pinky promise?” he holds out his pinky which Zayn finds adorable.

“Pinky promise.” Zayn takes Jamil’s pinky with his own and pecks Jamil lightly. “Now, come on, help me set up the table, then we can wake daddy”

Jamil smiles widely and lifts his arms up to be lifted off the counter. He helps Zayn set up the table and and prepare the dips in the process. When Zayn remembers.

“Jamil, we didn’t get to prepare dessert!” Zayn exclaims.

Jamil places his hand on his chest and lets out his breath while narrowing his eyes at Zayn. Zayn almost laughs at how much he looks like his uncle Louis right now but he holds it in because he want to listen to what his boy has to say.

“You startled me, baba.” Jamil rolls his eyes, “and don’t worry, we have ice cream from the other day. And we have bananas, we can make banana split!”

Zayn chuckles and swoops in to lift Jamil in the air, “you are the smartest kid in the world” he spins Jamil around as the little boy’s laugh resounds around the dining room. “I love you very much” Zayn halts and kneels down to Jamil’s height. He places a kiss to Jamil’s forehead. “I’d be nothing without you.”

Jamil cups Zayn’s cheeks and kisses his forehead.

“Well, isn’t this a scene to admire.”

“Daddy! Surprise!” Jamil pulls away from Zayn and runs to Liam who catches him and lifts him up in his arms.

“You made dinner without me?” Liam asks mock offended to which Jamil rolls his eyes at. Zayn’s seriously going to have a talk with Louis at how much of an influence he is to his son.

“We made dinner for you, daddy” Jamil says pointedly.

Liam laughs, “Oh, you did?” he tickles Jamil’s stomach which causes the boy to laugh and squirm out of Liam’s grasp. “I’m sorry I ever doubted you” Liam says putting Jamil down and turning to Zayn.

Zayn smiles at him shyly, “we made spicy fried chicken, but don’t worry, we made a less spicy batch for y-“

He’s cut off with soft lips and Liam’s thumb rubbing his cheek softly. “ _Thank you, jaan_.”

Zayn smiles at him and goes in for another kiss which ends in a second because -

“Ew” Jamil complains from his seat at the dining table. “Baba, Daddy, I’m hungry. You can kiss later.”

Liam laughs, “what, like this?” he pecks Zayn’s lips once, twice, and two more times for emphasis. Zayn giggles at him.

“Daddy” Jamil whines, Zayn and Liam pull away from each other laughing.

“Okay, okay.” Liam says leading Zayn to the table and sitting on his seat. “Let’s eat.”

It’s one of the best dinners Zayn has had in a long, long time. He’s spending time with his favourite people in the world and he’s just so incomparably happy. That little twist in time was all it took for him to realize that he has nothing to complain about. If it gets hard, it’ll be okay because he'll have his boys by his side. He'll never take what he has for granted again. He wouldn't trade this for anything in the world. Right now, looking at Liam and Jamil, he knows he's got everything he needs. And he'll never question why he ever met Liam again.

-

**_EPILOGUE_ **

_2 years later_

“And then Louis told Steven to fuck off, I’m really glad he didn’t get fired though. Harry’s got enough on his plate.” Liam tells Zayn as he lies on the bed trying to get comfortable under the covers.

“Louis’ new boss is named Steven?” Zayn croaks.

“Yeah, why?” Liam asks.

Zayn shakes his head, “he’s a pain in Louis’ ass?”

Liam shakes his head, laughing, “more like Louis’ the pain in his ass. Harry says he’s pretty nice.” 

Zayn takes off his glasses and puts it on the side table cuddling to Liam. “You think Harry thinks about his decision to marry him?” He changes the topic since he doesn’t ever want to think about that name, not because Steven was ever an ass, but he holds memories that haunt Zayn until now.

Liam laughs, “Never, Harry would be so lost without Louis.” He moves so Zayn can rest his head on his chest. “Do you regret meeting me?”

Zayn gasps and slaps his chest. “I told you not to make jokes about that.”

“Sorry, sorry. It’s just funny to see your reaction” Liam chuckles. Zayn doesn’t like this joke so he tightens his hold on Liam.

“I love you. I’d never regret you.” Zayn kisses Liam’s chest and moves his lips to his neck.

Liam groans a bit and tugs at Zayn’s hair a bit to lift his head up and kiss him properly. “I love you too.”

Zayn plays with their fingers tangled together and hums a familiar tune. “ _you got me wrapped around you finger_ ”

“Again with that song, really?” Liam looks at him fondly.

“It was what led me to you, jaan.” Zayn kisses Liam’s fingers.

Liam grins at him. “You are so sappy, jaan. I love you.”

“I lo-“ Zayn is cut off by a loud cry from the crib in the middle of their room. Zayn still can’t believe they have a daughter now. 

“Guess our little Aaliya’s done with our ‘I love yous’? for tonight, yeah?” Liam chuckles and closes his eyes.

Zayn pecks him on the lips and smiles. “Babe?”

Liam hums.

“It’s your turn.”

Why’d he meet Liam? He doesn’t even want to imagine this with anyone else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Too cheesy? Sorry about that. But again, thank you so much for reading my first ever fic! Hope it wasn't too much of a waste of your time. I love you guys! Happy (late) new year! x

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if it's bad. But thanks for reading!


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